Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
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Top comments
Zelphoric 25
He wants dirty texts? Send him a picture of mud, maybe he'll understand that. Quite dirty if I do say so myself.
m22100 14
Maybe you should send pics, that's more clear. ;)
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Comments (98)
m22100 14
Maybe you should send pics, that's more clear. ;)
nightfire2258 24
That could go very bad very fast. Especially if the relationship doesn't last. Plus the NSA is watching...
Pleonasm 36
The NSA is currently too busy posing as facebook to notice; go for it.
smc3106 25
Just keep your face out of them and you'll be alright. Lol
RedPillSucks 33
Damn. That was harsh! You saying she's a butter face?
rawr1308 14
He's saying if you keep your face out of the pictures and they do get posted online at least no one will know who it's a picture of.
SuperStormCindy 8
It's a common rule of sending nudes to never include your face.
cryssycakesx3 23
unless you have tattoos...
brianlarkin 7
I'm not really sure how to respond to this
SgtAssCheeks 21
Shouldn't have responded at all.
amzing_a16 10
Then don't...
fivetimeslonger 24
I got it! Made me giggle.
AlaskanG 27
You're reaching too far.
davincidasecond 24
Am I the only one who got the joke ...?
toaster123 11
apparently yes.
pita1331 7
Nope i got the joke as well
TallMist 32
I understood and it was funny.
Zelphoric 25
He wants dirty texts? Send him a picture of mud, maybe he'll understand that. Quite dirty if I do say so myself.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Sometimes I send a picture of a public restroom. Now that's dirty as hell.
Dthsapprntc 23
The worst toilet in Scotland from "Trainspotting"? Doesn't get much dirtier than that.
cryssycakesx3 23
I loved that movie. that bathroom is definitely the dirtiest.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Send him illustrations, that should clear things up.
BeautifulChaos27 37
Lets hope he really knows what you mean and is just trying to get more detailed responces out of you by playing dumb.
doglover100 29
What did he expect when he said "dirty things"?
You_Screwed_Up 7
Things that need to be cleaned
doglover100 29
That's what I thought.
alex_gen 39
Did he say sexual or just "dirty"?
BellaBelle_fml 23
Does it really need clarification?
EdenCrystal 21
Apparently to him
Amoondris 17
Sometimes being vague or implying things rather than stating them flat out is confusing. Some guys just need you to say exactly what you want when you want it and tell them exactly what you are going to do in detail.
TallMist 32
Why is #9 thumbed down? He's right. Some things you gotta say bluntly rathher than subtlely.
Pleonasm 36
Remember: all those euphemisms you learned to use don't make sense if you pile them all in one sentence.
Black_Knight80 13
Don't get mad at him. He seems pretty good for you.
lil_ham1644 29
How could you possibly get that from what she said?