Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML
Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML
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Top comments
glostik 0
Smooth... Here's some advice: Don't go to her house ever again. Why? Because her dad will be waiting with a baseball bat and you, you will be DEAD. So yeah.. Don't go to her house!
GraceMonica 8
shulda just watched some ****...
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Comments (56)
blakehilli8 0
first
CyrusJT 3
Second!
Shamzzz 0
Your kindda first
cyborgmexican 6
Whatd he say?
Cristaderzi 0
Geez yep dumb the trailer trash hoe
minus20 4
**** you
wowyoufail 2
**** that sucks. But...threesome opportunity!! Huh
dabears1011234 27
This is the worst comment I have ever seen.
GraceMonica 8
shulda just watched some ****...
glostik 0
Smooth... Here's some advice: Don't go to her house ever again. Why? Because her dad will be waiting with a baseball bat and you, you will be DEAD. So yeah.. Don't go to her house!
LewJH 0
They live in France, a more understanding country. They'll work it out.
MyNameIsLolz 0
French? Just needs a bit of editing. Smooth... Here's some advice: Don't go to her house ever again. Why? Because her dad will be waiting with a cressant and you, you will be FED.
Ohnothingreally 0
LOL.
dickster 0
You retard. It is croissant. I want to punch you now.
aaronperez 0
Who.The.****.Cares. It was funny, and we all knew what he meant. If u want to punch someone for not spelling a word right, get help.
Hot_kid 0
^win
IzabellaBlack 0
The bad spelling makes it funnier.
ragweed 0
fake
BackHurts 0
if ur gonna call fake post a link.. idiot
Colombiano1609 0
Hahaha i agree with #5
GraceMonica 8
:) one person agreeing is better than none
wrigglezeus 0
ragweed...give a reason why it's fake, or are you just wanting to being annoying?
Glam_fml 0
Ragweed is most likely just a troll. OP now you know that if someone doesn't answer your text right away, sending more texts isn't the answer. Either a) they don't have their phone on them or b) they don't want to talk to you.