Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML
Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I proposed to the girl of my dreams. She asked me who I was, and maced me. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered me a threesome with her best friend. Sounds like every guy’s dream, except I find her friend so absolutely fucking repulsive that I’d rather go piranha fishing with a steak wrapped around my dick then put it anywhere near her. FML
Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML
Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML
Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML
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Top comments
InsidiousChild 0
hit it
cowjudgesyou 0
Being a black belt means nothing anymore: schools give out belts to anyone willing to put in the money. go for it
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Comments (235)
latinjukes 2
Go for it! You only live once!
qwerty1990 0
he probably is a puss anyway, hit it, but ask if he does kissaki Kai, if he does, leave her alone.
Kirashai 9
Bros before hoes, mate.
zchats 0
umm not really. I'm a black belt in quantum jujitsu but when I fight some dick trying my girl, I don't really use it. karate is defensive not offensive.
tona01 16
yeah i used to be a black belt in tae kwan do and i used to compete in tournaments and all, but when i found myself in a real fight, tae kwan do never came into play
ScuseMePrincess 2
Just tell your friend she propositioned you. He'll thank you for being an honest friend and break up with her. Then you're in the clear.
zchats 0
then he wouldn't get laiddd.. virgin and all?
drivemysoul19 8
really not worth losing a best friend and/or getting your ass kicked.
bruslywrestler 0
as a Blackbelt he's not legally allowed to fight you, if he does he goes away for a long time and you get to keep that hoe
KYLAisaBITCH 4
karate can only be used as self defense.... if you dont swing at him first or try to harm him he cNt use karate
gregorygreg87 12
was she drunk when she asked you?
jdunn368 2
I got my black belt yesterday it cost me 7 dollars at riteaid