Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML
Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I proposed to the girl of my dreams. She asked me who I was, and maced me. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered me a threesome with her best friend. Sounds like every guy’s dream, except I find her friend so absolutely fucking repulsive that I’d rather go piranha fishing with a steak wrapped around my dick then put it anywhere near her. FML
Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML
Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML
Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML
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Top comments
InsidiousChild 0
hit it
cowjudgesyou 0
Being a black belt means nothing anymore: schools give out belts to anyone willing to put in the money. go for it
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Comments (235)
InsidiousChild 0
hit it
theunknowned 1
become a black belt yourself
teague95 16
1-that was the best comment ever.
Dirgel 4
Best first comment for sure.
Trololololololo_fml 7
Like you said, he's your best mate. Doing her will only damage his trust on you, and unless you want that to happen, don't do it.
pertained 12
Bros before hoes, if you will.
Lumenoire 0
61: That's not the only thing that's going to be damaged..
ihatecake 0
14 trust me most black belts in america suck at fighting since all you have to do is pay to get the next belt. which explains why me , a white belt in japan beat every guy in kumite in 3 different dojos kumite=sparring
luna4545 4
78 it definitely says OP is from isreal...
FarSide 23
It's NOT torture if you walk up behind him and shoot at point-blank range.
fuhkinsupah 0
am i the only one who thumbed down 21 and 69 just because they dont like their pic?
teague95 16
if OP's from israel then his friends black belt is probably legit, not like in america where you can just buy a higher rank.
Jammy01jams 2
**** him.. er no **** her, but **** him. no. um forget him. **** her and run. Yes!
free2speak 14
Hit and Run.
whatfml 0
yeh I agree with 78. karate is a shot discipline in western culture because you hey a badge or a belt for anything, it's like a scout club ones like Muay thai for example, no grading, so in sparring you either win or get pumped. easy!
fat_snooki_lol 6
Never, ever, ever hit your best mate's girl. That's breaking a solemn guy code.
brightnite 0
87 win
justanothagirl 0
69- haha u say bros before hoes yet your number is 69 haha
ImmortalKratos 0
after you pound pass it down. or back...
rallets 23
hit it and quit it hitch it and ditch it **** it and chuck it
blair_x 12
@102, Um, no. I did tae kwon do, karate, and jujitsu, and I definitely had to work to earn my belt(s). The only 'paying' I did for my belts is for the cost to make them and such.
asscheaks 0
no, tell him that she asked you out, get him to dump her, consult him about dating her, then hit it
danican5 0
I'm thinking like that comment is coming from a dog..
Pawned71 0
so true... I have 2nd Dan and I dont think I'm able to kick some guys ass completely
teague95 16
152 - I wasn't saying everybody here in america doesn't earn their belts. I've done karate since i was 9 and wrestling since i was 13 my friends and i worked hard while people with other karate instructors could do barely any work and just buy their way up the ranks. My friend from Tel Aviv has practiced krav maga(however you spell it) since he was young and he told me that "most" martial arts in the states are nothing compared to the training you have to do to earn it in Israel. That comment was just from what i've seen.
pertained 12
136, purely coincidental, lol. 101, thanks, sir-minus-36.
cldean24 4
152... -_-
soccerguy2 11
122 is right. Doesnt anybody ever watch how I met your mother?
haydencisahoss 6
Chicks before dicks
cwj 1
Yup, pump her and after the feeling of busting your cherry with an experienced hottie you will be able to go toe to toe with godzilla and king kong.
rickybobby12343 0
hit it and quit it
woody768 0
ask permission from him first though =D
CryMoreFMLs 15
So... don't get her drunk...? Maybe try looking for a different gal? I dunno man. You have a few options.
PsychoXtheXrapis 3
How about tell her no? Is it that difficult for our society to not have sex? How about this... stop worrying about her boyfriend and start worrying about me because one day I will go on a mission to kill all the adulterers.
MsSoulReaper 27
Why suffer more OP? Unless you like it then that's on you.
whybother8 0
do what u gotta do! get your dick wet and then lie about it later
ImAHomosexual 0
Or he can get some confidence and bang another girl.
atthegates 0
bros before hoes. the golden rule
louiseth 9
Actually the golden rule is it's not gay if it's in a 3-way.
atthegates 0
shit ur right
skitzofreniks 5
woo!! Oilers!!
AceArctic 4
The Golden Rule is that it's not gay if it's in a 3-way, but Bro Code article 1 states bros before hoes.
AceArctic 4
The Golden Rule is that it's not gay if it's in a 3-way, but Bro Code article 1 states bros before hoes.
beatleschick1940 9
Keep looking.
vegan_muffin 5
Exactly. I like 24 year old virgins.
ijrnelson 0
but then again, you are a vegan :p
MRSMOJORISIN_fml 0
I'm a beatles chick too!
cowjudgesyou 0
Being a black belt means nothing anymore: schools give out belts to anyone willing to put in the money. go for it
Ikura 4
I agree, the highest I ever got in a martial art is "purple belt" which is 3rd or 4th from the bottom. However, through working out and self-study I beat so called "black belts" on a regular basis. The crazy bastards that actually earned their black belts scare the crap out of me and the only way to win is running xD
abby_mariee5 5
lololololololol
b70valkyrie 0
How good the fighter is really depends on the training. I know green belts that could maim some of the black belts I also know.
homydclown 1
The point really is that OP is confident his friend would beat his ass. With or without the black belt.
TheNewGuy03 29
if there's one martial art in which you really have to *earn* your black belt, it's brazilian jiu-jitsu. >.> |the kid|
nitrogenic 0
agreed. in real Gracie family certified training facilitys they can't even award you ranks. your testings have to be video taped and sent to the Gracie headquarters for approval.
kattyeyedkay 0
Hey NewGuy, I think your pic is classic awesome.
kattyeyedkay 0
aww! I had a comment relevant to the post.. and it didn't do it! :( I'm not typing it again. be a good friend or don't. but if you dont, learn how to run QUICKLY
omgdoublefml 3
What you can't forget bro is the guys like me who have a black belt in the real traditional arts.
ghostlysnipes 1
you guys saying that lower belts will beat black belts is mainly cuz they don't have the self control that a black belt does. now I will agree some do give them away but not my school I've reached 2nd degree black belt and I've been doing it for almost 10 years. :)
kickassblackbelt 0
That's so not true lol. It took me 8 years to get a black belt and my test alone was 30+ hours over a two day period. It definitely can be intense depending on where you go and what form you do.
greg0409 0
not all do, im a 2nd degree black belt, and i worke about 10 years for it
Lexi_Ray 5
one word: roofies
igoteffed 0
#winning
swittig 0
*floories
poostool 5
why bother with drugs when a hammer works just fine?
Babes3910 6
28 your comment would relate to you pic lol
NYCM 6
a true as that is it leaves evidence behind
SpideyRules 9
i like the way u think. wanna go out for drinks sometime? lol
rallets 23
rapies
Dusty_reed95 0
Your my hero 0.0
DylanVermette 0
your cute
goshpeople 4
Don't have sex with her then. If he does tell her boyfriend everything, all she can say then is that she propositioned you.
goshpeople 4
*she, I meant. My fingers are too big for my phone's keyboard apparently.
Virginia6810 16
I think that's too risky. and not all girls would own up to something like that. for all we know she's just trying to make her bf jealous.
jvillan87 5
....or trying to get OP's ass kicked.
a_nutritionist 10
if shes a drunk confessionist she will only be able to say he refused. a guy will respect a friend who turns down his girlfriends advances, but he may not be as happy about the lack of information from his friend.
tona01 16
well first off, OP should get his priorities straight. a best friend normally lasts for years, a night with his girlfriend, not so much. OP think of it this way, do you prefer to lose your virginity along with your best friend, or keep them both. Ohhh and i find insulting, that you took your best friend's black belt into consideration, if he is your best friend, those banalities shouldn't even matter
tsume24 3
YDI for wanting to do that to your best friend instead of looking elsewhere.
goshpeople 4
No, he DOESN'T want to do that to his friend. That's why it's an FML. The first time he has an opportunity to have sex with a hot girl, he can't.
tsume24 3
yeah but he said it's torture...which leads me to believe he wants to do it really bad.
tsume24 3
so, if one hot girl will proposition him, he has no reason to believe it'll never happen again.
babygir1998 0
I agree with 34.
a_nutritionist 10
@34 assuming your interpretation is correct, he wants to **** someone really bad. the reason he isnt is because he doesnt want to do that to his friend. so, i think youll find either way youre not making sense. are you saying you suddenly lose all natural urges when the individual is someone you shouldnt be with on ethical grounds? thats kinda weird..
tsume24 3
my interpretation is that wanting to go after your best friend's significant other and telling the world it's "torture" is kinda messed up. if you don't like my interpretation of the FML, comment elsewhere.
tsume24 3
*because I don't give a shit if you don't like it.
goshpeople 4
49, you've got it. The OP does have some wants, it appears. 1. He wants to have sex with someone. 2. Preferably a good-looking girl. But, 3. He doesn't want to have sex with the one girl who propositioned him BECAUSE of who her boyfriend is. And who says he wasn't "looking elsewhere"? She was the one who came onto him, not the other way around. I assume the "torture" part is because he really, really wants to have sex. And really, really wants to not betray his friend.
tsume24 3
53: yeah, I know. it's just, not the best thing to tell the world. I'm so sick of love triangle FMLs...
inSayne 7
are you all retarded? the "torture" isn't about betraying his best friend, otherwise he wouldn't have stated that his friend is a black belt. he just doesn't want to get his ribs broken. >.> obviously op has no morals or else it would be an easy decision.
tsume24 3
65 - I'd agree with you if you didn't go around asking people if they're retarded.
goshpeople 4
#65, or he's listing all details of the situation regardless of whether the black belt is a factor in his decision, or a deterrent. Like, "If I do do it, she'll tell, and if she tells, I'll get beaten up badly." I agree it's a bit suspect for him to mention it at all, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. And not question whether they're "retarded".
Abbycadabbie1637 4
Thats what i was thinking it seems that way because of the way he said it.
epicaussie 6
lol your all missing the point he is a 24 year old virgin, he is goin to be fhukn terrible the first time lol he should start off with the snooki look a like and work he's way up. leave the hot ones for guys with talent ;) haha
tsume24 3
130, uh, how do you know "everyone" sucks the first time? and who are you to say who deserves to get "the hot ones?" grow up dude...
teh_uber_muffin 3
How about...... You all shut the **** up? I seem to doubt that OP is trying to ask for advice, anyway. So bickering and discrediting seems rather unecessary. Again, stfu.
tsume24 3
how about....... we're allowed to comment/debate if we want to?? if you don't like when people comment on FMLs, why do you have an account?????
bekster88 3
Why would your friend kick you're ass? It's not your fault she propositioned you. If you reciprocated, than you deserve to get your ass kicked.
tsume24 3
*you're *then
tsume24 3
****your goddamn iPhone, making grammar nazi'ing a challenge...
daminantion 14
157. Rewrite your profile info; for being a grammar Nazi, you have terrible understanding of punctuation. Thanks for trying, troll you later. ;)
benderbang48 4
You being a 24 year old virgin is enough to say FML!
Stupend0us 7
Nothing wrong with that.
GoingLesbian 0
Depends if it's by choice or not. With this guy I'm thinking it's a 'not'.
slightlypyro1996 4
21, it's definitely by choice, but probably not the op's.
slightlypyro1996 4
21, it's definitely by choice, but probably not the op's.
amadais 1
says the virgin
teh_uber_muffin 3
Coming from the 13yr old looking person in your pic? What has the world come to?
darkbob101 16
then why don't you have an FML about it yet?
iAmScrubs 19
Go for it and then invest in some bodyguards. That probably still wouldn't make you safe, so you should move to Tibet and become a monk for good measure.