Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML
Today, I introduced the girl I was talking to my best friend, and we all hung out. Until this day, her and I were doing great. After my friend left, she started gushing about how hot he is. He wasn't hitting on her at all. I reminded her that, and that he has a girlfriend. She was calm, but visibly upset. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML
Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML
Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend introduced me to her best male friend, a creepy "Nice Guy" type. When she went to the bathroom, he came closer to me and said, "She thinks she likes you, but I'm destined to be with her, I saw it in the stars. Nobody can love her like me." FML
Today, I learned that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend for 2 months. This is the same person who, 2 months ago, wanted to break our friendship off because he thought we "got too close" and felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend by spending too much time with me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, my supposed "best friend" started going out with the girl I'd just split up with, immediately after she said she wanted to see other people. FML
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Top comments
hard_candy 25
someone sounds very insecure.
ComoEsJuan 24
Such sharp words from a psycho.
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Comments (119)
[email protected] 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Run just run and don't look back.
MrDonSalvetti 27
That certainly is neither a good advise nor a solution for the problem. I would talk to your friend and tell him what she said. Maybe he'll talk to his girlfriend and make her clear that this is not ok.
keiNan_fml 35
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
they are best friends and OP is not dating that girl.
FluffyPandas156 13
this is honestly the most used comment on fml. And Also this doesn't fit for a situation like this. But Hopefully op and her best friends gf can find a way to get along.
1776487 18
lol you made a joke and people take it as real advice, i swear people on this app need to loosen up...a lot!
MrDonSalvetti 27
#31 Yeah damn that joke was so funny I almost died laughing! *cough* NOT *cough*
incoherentrmblr 22
Then you reply, "You mean like this?..." *cuts her with sharp/blunt object*
minesbiggerr 25
You can cut someone with a blunt object? When did this miracle happen?
PSYqualiac 17
#55, Lord Helix decreed it to be.
tournamentdecide 33
Have you never tried to cut with a spoon?
[email protected] 14
how the hell is my comment wrong wow stop acting like you wouldn't do it lmao
foxwasalamb 24
guys, its classic first comment syndrome. he probably just hasn't gotten his vaccination yet. hope you get better little buddy!
1947Chevy 17
55 I have cut myself on blunt objects
KitchKraft 21
Sounds like this man has a serious case of bitch dependency. OP needs to slap some sense into his friend before it gets too bad. Bitch dependency can be very dangerous, and he could end up with even bitchier bitches. Seek counsel from A Pimp Named Slickback.
hard_candy 25
someone sounds very insecure.
ComoEsJuan 24
Such sharp words from a psycho.
MrSassypants 34
Hopefully the tool she would use for cutting isn't as sharp as her words.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Actually, if she's psycho enough to actually cut him, the sharper the tool the better. It would hurt less and heal quicker. A cut with a dull blade is basically tearing just as much as cutting, so it messes you up more.
enddmd 27
But a sharper tool generally yields more blood, and deeper wounds.
tournamentdecide 33
Depends on how hard you try.
hannahgrac3 12
Maybe OP's a girl? Makes more sense than it being a guy that she wants to cut. Probably feels jealous of OP
cheeeksss 29
I was thinking the same. It's very possible for a guy and a girl to have a platonic friendship, but apparently this crazy girlfriend doesn't think so. Best of luck to you, OP.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
The OP IS a girl. I guess I missed that when I was typing my comment. Either way, my comment still stands. Just replace the hims with hers.
comedybreak 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Become gay and **** him to assert your dominance
dbt88 15
Pretty sure OP is a girl so unless she's going after the girlfriend...
Galamond 10
Why would a woman need to become gay to fk a man...?
MzZombicidal 36
I doubt that psycho would be so insecure if it came to a dude. Unless the best friend is bisexual or something.
T1A2Z3 35
She's a girl...
HarshD9619 34
Overly attached girlfriends. Overly attached girlfriends everywhere
5secondsofvvifi 21
Overly attached? This sounds more like something from that tv show stalker, maybe she's so obsessed because she's been stalking him for years...
JennAlien 12
You should probably tell your bestfriend about his lunatic girlfriend
DawnDarke 14
I've tried that before, ended up losing my friend and his gf messaged me a smiley face -.-
quickit 24
Yeah, F his friends life. She's going to be troublesome to get rid of.
josiemorehouse 12
I agree, but I think OP should talk to her friend without said psycho nearby, and approach the subject cautiously. Like tell him that psycho-girl may misunderstand their friendship, and suggest maybe he talk to her and make sure she knows that ya'll are just friends. If he asks why, tell him. Good luck OP.
Ichiya 29
Stab the gf. Make sure she knows you are more psycho than her.
PSYqualiac 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She's only joking , she doesn't believe beliee a word she said. What are you smoking? She's just a ****** with your head...
chuka81 27
Psychos always make for the most interesting relationships. And breaking up with them is even more dangerous. Don't even think a restraining order would be enough.
CallMeBatman 15
If this happens again, send me a bat-signal or something, cause I think that dealing with a psycho is one of those situations that I could help..
ckibb97 22
What a psycho
DenverTyrrell 13
Be a good friend and tell him, I'm sure he'll believe you if you've been friends for that long