Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML
Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I proposed to the girl of my dreams. She asked me who I was, and maced me. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered me a threesome with her best friend. Sounds like every guy’s dream, except I find her friend so absolutely fucking repulsive that I’d rather go piranha fishing with a steak wrapped around my dick then put it anywhere near her. FML
Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML
Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML
Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML
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Top comments
InsidiousChild 0
hit it
cowjudgesyou 0
Being a black belt means nothing anymore: schools give out belts to anyone willing to put in the money. go for it
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Comments (235)
CountOrlandu 3
man up and give to her good ;)
colormeimpressed 0
no. walk away.
PenguinMafia42 0
Him being a black-belt should have no bearing on the situation. Hes your best friend your douche.
togepii 0
karate? what a joke!
jeremsan_fml 0
be a man and decline its not that hard
WhiteIce 1
Just sayin but if its jessica alba what are you waiting for!
o8poa8o 0
Karate's gay, and your obviously not his best mate if that's a proposition for you...
10lolo 4
Take the offer and fly to america.
icametodance 3
So if he wasn't a black belt you'd bang your friends girl? What if she dint confess thongs when drunk? You wouldn't tell him his gf is a cheater and put him at risk of catching something? You're a douche.
Antonio0724 0
Not torture actually. Some latex has to be involved first.