Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML
Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Was the doctor atleast anal about the proceure? All pieces removed?
eggmarie 25
I'm not even thinking about the hospital trip. I'm trying to figure out how the ride there went.
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Comments (107)
Frank_H83 6
Damn, you are gorgeous girl! Just sayin lol
jayfreeman 0
Perhaps next time you decide to get intimate with your "special *****" it would be best if you don't drink first. Hope you at least had a great ****** and that the Dr gave your special ***** back unharmed. YDI
xxdark 3
****** were definitely not made with just women in mind! Definitely, definitely not. Take a trip down to your local sex store if you don't believe me. There are some things there that even the most adventurous of women will not venture to. Also, the men's section is a dead giveaway..
afgzz 2
Shoulda just came to me lol
supportcommand 17
Could be worse. Two girls one cup anyone? One man one jar? Op could have probably just had a squat and give a good heave ho. Fire it right out.
Kibaruto 33
I would say "Doesn't matter, had sex", but the context and the ignorance involved would both make me throw myself into the nearest oncoming train.
UndreamtKarma 6
I like your style
BatemanFML 0
The ***** said, "Hold your breath, I'm going in dry." And never came out.
Kibaruto 33
So, did the ***** go as far as the hospital bill did?
celine21_fml 0
Yeah unless insurance covers ****** going up peoples asses
btx2 9
Sexy
fleurie 6
I once had a patient who use the bristle-end of a toothbrush. Up his junk in the front. Yeah. Your story sounds less painful, but equally as...difficult. Ahem. Hope your butt is okay.
skizza_fml 3
How would you even get anything in there?? That's a painful thought