Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML
Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Was the doctor atleast anal about the proceure? All pieces removed?
eggmarie 25
I'm not even thinking about the hospital trip. I'm trying to figure out how the ride there went.
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Comments (107)
mosquito19 14
thats hot
katequamma 4
What does OP mean
TheyCallMeDamien 18
At least it was a sex toy. And next time use more lube. Or just stick with a vibrator.
onorexveritas 24
well...did it feel good?
SluggerJ 7
LoL you need to get a life
Shenannigoats 16
...why, exactly? What about this implies that OP has no life?
Dnigz13 4
Mmm I'm pretty sure if your playing with you asshole and using toys your probably not supposed to put the whole thing up there unless your 100% positive that you can get it out
bizarre_ftw 22
*scans the comments for the doc ('tis too perfect)*
Taurus_ChicKa 37
What is wrong with you? You're depressed and your first instinct is to get drunk? And then you're depressed so your first instinct is to shove a ***** up your ass? YDI...find something better to do with your time for both conditions. /facepalm
jbones24 22
No matter how you got there, it could not have been a fun trip.
hunteer9 5
Well it could have been something worse. I know people that have gone to the doctors to have fishing hooks removed from there , oh and bottle caps