Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
Johnny5 16
You gotta let him try again sober or there’s no coming back from that. If he can’t redeem himself the man has to quit and move before the awkwardness kills him.
LostSoul 20
Drunk sex is never a good idea. Especially, if it is for the first time with someone. That can just lead to all sorts of problems
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Comments (11)
Johnny5 16
You gotta let him try again sober or there’s no coming back from that. If he can’t redeem himself the man has to quit and move before the awkwardness kills him.
RichardPencil 32
Maybe you need to shave down there?
LostSoul 20
Drunk sex is never a good idea. Especially, if it is for the first time with someone. That can just lead to all sorts of problems
BurnInDemonFire 39
Probably for the best. Not exactly the ideal start to a relationship, plus being a co-worker might have made it awkward, and your company may be against co-workers having relationships, anyway. Oh, and this would appear to be standard for people who spend the night getting wasted, so if you are going to try again, stay sober. And keep the lights on.
Henry8cooper 15
I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time 😂 when drinking, men's desire grows inversely proportional to their ability 😂
saberjpg 6
What kind of freaks have sex with the lights off? :D
childlessmother 16
Hmmm does he not know where the hole is? I thought men where able to put it in dark, light, blindfolded etc. that will make late night quickies awkward
jbuckets_404 39
You've slept with men who've put a blindfold on their "Willies" before intercourse?! So you're saying that us men don't discriminate against penetration of both light- and dark-skinned women/ partners?!
Henry8cooper 15
Hmm - sorry to say - but at a certain degree of overweight - it is rather difficult to navigate
Late For Breakfast 19
Not exactly consensual sex when someone is that drunk.
donb23 23
Maybe he won’t remember that so that there will be no awkward encounters at work.