Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML
Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Was the doctor atleast anal about the proceure? All pieces removed?
eggmarie 25
I'm not even thinking about the hospital trip. I'm trying to figure out how the ride there went.
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Comments (107)
dragonlord354 4
Is it still your special one?
OhDearBetrayal 25
Now it's her very special one. The memories that come with it now will last her a lifetime.
dragonlord354 4
Lol she should get it framed and put on the wall.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You forgot to use lube, didn't you? Tisk, tisk.
supportcommand 17
Probably too much lube. Slipped right in. Op sounds like a lot of fun though.
moofukmoocowmilk 3
Doesn't matter, had sex...?
KiddNYC1O 22
Nahh, give it a rest for a while.
berryblizzard 11
I wouldn't be able to take you seriously if I was the doctor... Lol
ObeyAlliance 7
That is why you are not a doctor.
berryblizzard 11
Thank goodness, I could never be a doctor.
Kaleigh090 11
I guess drinking in excess and inserting something into your ass don't mix well... I'm sorry O.P.
Frank_H83 6
dayyuumm OP, go a little easier next time lol...
Frank_H83 6
I will but it won't be a toy I'm sticking in her, dear god I hope this is a her lol....
OhDearBetrayal 25
Maybe OP lied about their gender so that it would seem maybe a little less embarrassing.
goose12321 11
Hahahahahahahahhaaha
nora111197 8
Maaaaan that's the most embarassing thing i've ever heard. Fyl big time. Hilarious tho :D
sougstad 7
That sounds like you have come full circle. Now you can't say you haven't tried it all...
rhpsfan9 10
I have to ask. How did you get to the hospital? Idk how you could drive in that situation and I defiantly don't know how you would bare facing someone you know to drive you... Just wondering..
yoyoforpeace 14
Why do I see the ***** going deeper into OP's butt as they sit down to drive to the hospital? :x