Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML
Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Was the doctor atleast anal about the proceure? All pieces removed?
eggmarie 25
I'm not even thinking about the hospital trip. I'm trying to figure out how the ride there went.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
lemonsquid 6
Shiiiiittt son.
monpetitchevelle 4
This is why you should not drink alone.
goodgood_fml 5
Wow. I'm desperate too, but I've never got anything stuck up there!! I'm still hoping for the real thing. Not looking too promising here either.
Austyn57 1
why use a ***** just use a regular weenie same end result minus da hospital
tooney_fml 8
You poor girl. You should have called me to come over
mrwipes 0
Sounds like you had a special evening op.
dansco 25
Special *****?! A butt plug then... I'm sorry but I would be too embarrassed to post something like this, even on here!
LennyComa 39
Sorry lemme just read again....one,more time....ok so I did read it right. Errrm that must suck explaing that away so FYL
rockurheart 9
woah woah woah...
LoveGuru69 0
what's wrong with leaving it in? it will come out anyway next time you take a shit