Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML
Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Was the doctor atleast anal about the proceure? All pieces removed?
eggmarie 25
I'm not even thinking about the hospital trip. I'm trying to figure out how the ride there went.
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Comments (107)
ArrickMorris 4
Did you take any pictures lol jk
kalbrek009 20
I just don't get WHY people who are depressed believe that taking/smoking/drinking something that is a DEPRESSANT (causes further depression) will improve things...that would be like being super hyper & eating a 10 lb bag of sugar to calm yourself....sorry op, but...YDI, op..YDI.& get some help for your depression issues & you won't end up so "butt hurt" next time.
sidkenney 0
You: ummm doc I hav a ***** up my ass... Doctor: ugh... thats the third one today x( You: *pokerface*
noisebox 1
Wow all I can about you is: "so close but so far away".....
noisebox 1
Ps you have tried saying you sat on it after slipping...
xoashwee 0
awwh. that dog is so cute ahaha
Kap10 0
Wooooow u were really in the mood to get ur special toy stuckkkk.lol
CamberwellCarrot 8
Pretty sure this is fake.
christina2991 0
Damn that sucks!!!!
msfudgemuffins 6
haha how the **** would you get it stuck?