Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML
Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML
Today, my dog was riding my car's passenger seat. He clambered over onto my lap, causing me to lose control of the wheel for a few seconds. As I tried to knock him off me, I lost track of my speed, and ended up being pulled over for reckless driving. FML
Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML
Today, I was cleaning my car when I hit the automatic window button while I was vacuuming in between the door and the driver's seat, and got stuck halfway out, in full view of my neighbor. He had to come get me out, because I couldn't reach the button. FML
Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, my boyfriend has severe dog phobia, and a dog off its lead ran up to him in a car park. He panicked and tried to jump into the car, but the door hit it in the head and it started fitting and seizing. About three people called the police and the dog's owner broke our car window. FML
Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML
Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AZFreckles 0
I'm sorry for your dog. But what kind of moron are you for driving with a ******* dog on your lap?!?!?! Was there no room on the passenger seat, or better yet, in the back seat?? Can you honestly say that your dog is never a distraction to your driving? I'm guessing NOT if it's ******** on you.
SOCALME 3
Scooby dooby doo?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (157)
AZFreckles 0
I'm sorry for your dog. But what kind of moron are you for driving with a ******* dog on your lap?!?!?! Was there no room on the passenger seat, or better yet, in the back seat?? Can you honestly say that your dog is never a distraction to your driving? I'm guessing NOT if it's ******** on you.
kai_li 8
Thank you! I can't believe it took someone so long to say so
RedPillSucks 33
I was thinking the same thing.
kiwi00 0
maybe it was in the passenger seat and it's butt was facing the driver?
doublewide420 0
next time when the dog hits the wheel instead of the window,and she kills a family of 5. we will see how funny it is.
shiloh10 0
THANK YOU #95 for having some f***ing common sense.
dudeman1212 22
OR... Maybe they were at a red light and he climbed over, or they were already parked at their destination, or he had to get gas and was getting back into the car. Think, people...
iliveinthesky_fml 0
Aw poor doggy. :-(
Xythenol 6
HOLYCRAPMUFFINS. Was your dog okay?! **** your shirt, it can be cleaned!
LFAM_fml 0
*svooby dooby doo where are-* SCOOBY YOU SHAT ON ME SHIRT YOU IMBECILE!! Ruh Roh!
mintcar 10
Just be thankful that the dog is okay.
DEXter501 0
So your dog almost chokes to death and you worry about your shirt. Really? Come on.
xStiina 0
Your dog is more fking important than a shirt.
takeapieandrun 9
This FML has horrible grammar. That is all.
kindlystfupls 0
aww poor doggy! screw your shirt I'm more worried about your dog!
psychochick29 0
YDI for letting your dog in the front seat. And for allowing your dog to stand on the door. Ever seen what happens to a dog after a car accident? Or merely hitting the brakes quickly? Your dog could fly out the open window, through the windshield or be crushed by the airbag. Oh and if you were dumb enough to have the dog on your lap and you got in an accident (which is quite likely since there would be a dog on your lap) the drivers airbag could literally crush the dog into your chest. Get a damn seatbelt for your dog and keep him/her in the backseat where they would be safe.
theten_fml 9
Couldn't of have said it better myself. because I never thought about it.
4bidden 0
maybe the dog was in the backseat think of that?:)
agm2010 0
I agree with number 40 about what 39 said but number 43., since the dog shit on the guys shirt., I'm guessing the OP didnt find it necessary to have to mention that he was on his lap.(:
4bidden 0
i misread it than....im thinking theres a damn shirt in the backseat for some damn reason:/
sappy0 5
Then how did the dog shit on the DRIVER?? Did YOU think of THAT?!?!
agm2010 0
lol well I guess that would make since too... but realisticly., I'm pretty sure he was wearing it, (driving).
4bidden 0
It never did say the dog shit on him it said the dog shit on his shirt:) ***scratching head damn i figured the riddle out:D
agm2010 0
lol whatever floats ur boat. I just hope that shirt was expensive and that stain never come out. the op is wrong for not worrying about the dog instead.
GoingLesbian 0
Lol that's pretty amusing to read at 2am haha
agm2010 0
lol I agree ...it's 340 am here
4bidden 0
haha i dont even know if i believe these "fmls" are real i just enjoy argueing and making random points:)
Chubby_Cha5er 0
STFU honestly ur taking it way to serious I can tell your psycho ur taking it way too far guy already feels like SHIT:) lol last thing the OP needs is a psycho chik telling him common sense I wouldn't take advice from a psycho lol
4bidden 0
#66 ***cough are you talking to me?
agm2010 0
unless thats a picture of ur boyfriend... im pretty sure #66 is talking to me but that I could really careless ... and I would have to agree with u. alot of fmls do not make sence. def fake ones out there lol
shiloh10 0
#39 the dog was not in my lap, he was in the ******* passenger seat since he is 90lbs. EVERYONE ELSE:: yes, he is ok. and I couldn't give 2 ***** about my shirt.
weinerdog 2
Please people...don't let your dogs hang their heads out the window. You'll end up with situations like this or worse. I have a friend who is a vet and she's seen plenty of dogs come in with eye/head injuries. Get a harness and buckle them up in the back seat.