Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Road rage
Today, my dog was riding my car's passenger seat. He clambered over onto my lap, causing me to lose control of the wheel for a few seconds. As I tried to knock him off me, I lost track of my speed, and ended up being pulled over for reckless driving. FML
Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML
Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML
Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML
Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML
Bad boy
Today, I was driving home with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML
Magic moment
Today, I rear-ended someone while trying to watch my odometer hit 80,000 miles. FML
Save the doggo
Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly ran across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family who owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML
Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML
Murderer!
Today, I was backing out of my garage when my neighbour's collie ran behind my car. Unfortunately, I didn't see it, but I heard a thump. They were out, so I rushed him to the vet's. I was upset, and I guess I was driving too fast and didn't see that another dog was crossing the road. I killed two dogs today. FML
Top comments
drewnewton 0
not much of an fml for you as for it is the dog
nelds 12
Poor puppy :( :(
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Comments (79)
nelds 12
Poor puppy :( :(
enchi999 8
The gear shift and OPs dog head feel the exact same...both furry apparently. Poor dog indeed.
Calyx_fml 22
Yeah, that's ruff.
Calyx_fml 22
^ And why are you complaining about it 44?
thejewishfuhrer 17
It's attention seeking. No ones likes a person like that.
nelds 12
I like my **** more than my face so I think I'm allowed to decide which feature I show in my picture.
blade4080 7
Who would complain about a girl prancing around with her **** as her profile pic anyways? What are you, gay?
chilearmy123 4
Hahaha sucks to suck!!
jkmartinjk 16
That's a lot of boob neids...
drewnewton 0
not much of an fml for you as for it is the dog
bellygirl2000 0
Well what could the dog do get on FML and say "Today, I was on a wonderful ride with my owner when all of a sudden he started moving my head around all weird like. FML" that would not only be funny but it would also be very weird
Drigr 9
It's an FML for him if he just killed the family dog by breaking its neck trying to shift with it.
Inheritance 10
What's next using your dog as wind shield wipers? Yet both effective and useful, but probably illegal.
MsFML_ 16
Omg that sucks for the puppy! OP never mentioned how the puppy turned out.
TheCamoWulf 17
Is the dog ok?! Anyway it seems like an FML for both you and the dog D:
unhappybitch 8
Auf auf auf bark bark auf auf grrrrrrrr bark. FML.
awesomeguy1221 4
Drive cautiously then... No one likes a reckless driver.
Climaxx 11
While reading this FML, I can't stop remembering scenes from Tokyo drift.
bananagrams 9
There aren't any scenes in Tokyo Drift where a driver is trying to shift and grabs a dog's head...
ChefPhilly 13
I like dogs :D
EG14_fml 8
That is the very first thing I had in mind
TheDynasty 3
Yeah, I hate small dogs.
MCRaddict15 15
A small dog died and your going to comment on how you don't like them? ..Cold.
DaDezza244 31
52- it didn't say the dog died...
bubbly31 0
8 & 52- It didn't even say the dog was small
lovebeecharmer 6
That's actually terribly funny
21jason 9
Why were you taken down the highway with a dog in the car?
evilplatypus 39
Vacation Trip to the vet Fun little drive (dogs love rides) Transfer of custody in a joint custody situation Dog show Doggy playdate It's a companion animal that accompanies OP everywhere Would you like me to go on?
lilysmiles143 0
y wouldnt you?
aleeshttylXD 9
#32, *why ;]
dorko_is_me 6
Haha!! Thus made me laugh more!
Bliss391 7
Pretty sure I've heard this same joke by Jeff Dunham. Yep, I sure did.