Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML
Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML
Today, while working in a blood drawing clinic, a mom sat in the chair holding her 4-year-old child, who kicked me square in the groin. Being a heavyset lady, I shrugged it off and collected the sample, while the child screamed, "Kicking worked on the last man that did this!" FML
Experimentation
Today, I tried to see if you can kick yourself in the nuts. You can. FML
Battery
Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML
Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML
Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML
Iron Man
Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML
Nutshot
Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML
Weird kid
Today, my nephew kicked me in the balls, again! And he got me fair and square this time. It's the fourth time he's got me in the balls since the pandemic started. I have to put my groin guard from college on and teach him a lesson because he won't listen and he's 12, so he knows what he's doing. FML
Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Can you tell me how much that Hz, on a scale of 1-10?
GothickNihilist 15
Honestly I wish that people would stop treating myths as scientific fact.
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Comments (185)
redbluegreen 41
Can you tell me how much that Hz, on a scale of 1-10?
paulpings 6
Its a mega Hz
AlkaliSam 6
Brilliant. I'd normally just thumb up your comment, but this one really made me smile.
BunchieRules 31
Watt are you guys talking about, anyway? I'm a bit confused.
kakarot2 11
It's over 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!
BulldogHoops 14
I'm not kidding when I say that #1's comment is the best I've ever read on FML. Bravo.
BlitheNightmare 7
87- They are talking about herzts the SI measurement of frequency. It is pronounced hurts.
isallwaysme 27
ITS OVER 9000!!!!!!
AFCA020 4
#112 you really don't know what's watt .. Do you?
Inediblepeaches 15
Guys, 112 used "watt" instead of "what" on purpose. "Watt" is also a measurement. Use Google or something, Jesus.
BunchieRules 31
"Bit" is also a measurement, for anybody who didn't understand both of my egregiously awful puns.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Did you know they have a machine that can simulate child birth now?
BlitheNightmare 7
Woops, sorry, didn't notice the "watt". I kind of just skimmed over it. (Didn't know answering a question is idiotic.)
BlitheNightmare 7
166- I know, but it was a honest mistake. I don't believe I should have recieved the reaction I did, but what ever.
Alexweber929 14
Ha, I got that 119
Zestus 19
How many dels is a sucker punch to the floor?
Bigger_than_Jesu 5
'Bout 9000 dels. *My bad, I misread the FML. I read it as the guy sucker punches OP in the balls to the ground. Preemptive thumbs down for me.
d4m4s74 12
since a broken boke is about 9, I assume a sucker punch you is about 4 or 5
Alexweber929 14
I remember freshman year in high school me and about 8 other people started the nut tap wars, it lasted for about a semester before we decided it wasnt a great idea, it was terrible, I stand by the fact that getting punched in the nuts hurts more than when I broke my femur
Sputnikspak 13
I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that the most pain a human being can endure is having their femur broken, as it is the strongest bone in the body and EXTREMELY painful if it breaks. Probably doesn't include hairline fractures or dislocating, but snapping the bone (oh that thought just made me throw up a little, eugh) is supposedly really painful. I have never broken a femur, but I have had a uterine biopsy done after I caught PID from an IUD, and given that I've never had children, apparently my screaming and cursing was loud enough to concern other emergency room patients. >.> I may or may not have called the gyn resident performing the procedure several rude names. I am not certain, as I passed out.
S182 15
60 - I believe that it's not the actual snapping of the bone that makes a femur fracture so painful, but the spasms and soft tissue damage associated with it.
TML329 14
@60 From what I hear being lit on fire is the most painful
wlddog 14
I know kidney stones put me in so much pain I could not understand what people were saying to me. I have no idea what "Del" that is, but when the nurse asked me to rate my pain on the stupid 1-10 face chart, I could not even understand what she wanted from me.
Alexweber929 14
when I broke it I was 5 years old and fell off of the slide at the park, I got taken to the e.r. In the flight for life and was in a body cast from my chest down for about 6 months, I dont really remember much of the experience, thats why I can say that the nut punching hurt more, but it deffinatly hurt more than when I broke my radius and about as much as when I broke 6 bones in my ankle, and im not talking a light punch from a little girl, im talking from my friend who was at the time 5'8' and 200 pounds, it only happened once but I stopped playing after that
Alexweber929 14
I also just realized that the gingerbread man as my profile.picture has a broken femur, a broken ankle and a broken arm, thats a freakin awesome coincidence, and im ginger too, what the ****
Matt_greener 8
Bag tag^
jdyo3 5
60 my friend broke his femur playing football and the trainer (who is a moron for saying this) told him he could go back in the game. If its really the most pain someone can have I doubt he would have been able to even walk
Alexweber929 14
I must not have broken it compleatly then
Alexweber929 14
I meant he
3yellowzebras 19
Most painful thing a person can experience is nerve damage or muscle deterioration/ muscle death. Trigeminal neuralgia (also known as suicide disease) is one of the most painful conditions associated with nerve damage (facial pain) and it is 1000 times worse than childbirth. Would not wish it on my worst enemy.
ctdawes 3
we always called it a sac tap
rawr_ily96 24
I know the perfect way to settle this urban legend. If shemales can give birth, ask one.
friedpwnadge 25
Get up and bash his nuts in.
angeluv_2014 22
Thank you!! Someone needed to say it. -_-
GothickNihilist 15
Honestly I wish that people would stop treating myths as scientific fact.
LouisianaBob 9
You mean those times we all kicked eachother in the crotch growing up were not multiple magnitudes of pain worse than bearing a child?
jamalamadingdong 18
Have you ever bore a child?
shrdlu 28
People will continue to treat myths as facts as long as the myths support their viewpoint.
thatonename 7
58) this is a never ending argument. Have you ever been kicked in the nuts? Nobody will ever both, bare a child and receive a shot to the nuts, therefore no true comparison can be made. Can we just agree they both hurt like hell?
gc327072 31
The only way we're gonna settle this is if someone's done both. *phones Lady Gaga*
Timmeeh 17
That must've been about 150 dels.
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
What I hate most about this specific "debate" is how aggressive people get... "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I SHOVED A ROCK IN YOUR PENIS?" "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I KICKED YOU IN YOUR BOOBS?" People... Are you really going to yell at one another over "which hurts more" or "who has to endure more pain"? I'm sure no guy wants to be kicked in the nuts and no woman wants to suffer childbirth (Even though the outcome is beautiful). Now, please, be civilized human beings and argue about bacon or something. Edit: somehow ended up on the wrong comment. Sorry :X
markuskind 7
Actually a kick in the nuts is worse, but considering the pain from a kick in the nuts last for a maximum of 10 min, and childbirth may last for more than 20 hours. They even eachother out
annie_nk 23
I think the fact that ripping, tearing and/or cutting happens in 80% of childbirths and it takes 4-6 weeks to heal, I'd have to say it's worse.
igive 29
How would you know? Have you given birth to verify this claim? I have neither given birth nor had balls to kick so I wouldn't know.
RedPillSucks 33
But surely you know someone who has. It's not like here's no evidence at all
StalkerChick 13
I had a second degree tear and an episiotomy when I gave birth to my son. That, plus contractions and pain during the recovery period, leave me to believe that childbirth is by far worse. Even with the epidural.
evilplatypus 39
~Thus says the teenage boy with duckface in his picture. Please share some more of your wisdom with us.~
igive 29
Sorry, my reply was to the boy not the one above me, I just realized how this looks.
fdupagain 11
You, are an idiot... 10 minutes of severe pain and hours of labor are not even comparable. I'd gladly kick you in the balls for 30 seconds every minute for 20 hours, then shove a golf ball, well, you know. Then, tell me how comparable it is.
Nessco 36
I have given birth and can verify that it does take 4-6 weeks to recover from what was referred to as a 'no problem' birth. This is also a very common time period for almost every woman who gives birth. I was unable to move during labour and also in the birthing stage. I was so weak I couldn't even hold myself up. This was done without drugs so I feel I'm pretty confident to comment. The guys I've seen kicked in the nuts generally recover in about 5-30 minutes (depending on the kicker and kickee). Therefore, it logically appears that giving birth would have to be a much more painful experience. Why else are the women offered drugs? Why do they not give pain relief drugs to someone kicked in the nuts?
WhoSaidDat 10
Didn't realize it was a boy...
nikkinurse 10
That's ridiculous... Try pushing a watermelon out if your penis and then we can talk
CharresBarkrey 16
94 - A male's urethra is much smaller than a woman's ******. The equivalent would be that of pushing a lemon out of their penis.
mousey119 4
I have given birth, I had a 40 hour labour and close to third degree tears, it was VERY Painful, and although I've never been kicked in the balls, as I have none, I've seen it happen and it been laughed at, and also recovered from in around 5 minutes, so anyone who tells me that's more painful from childbirth can go suck it.
hellaflushfa5 6
I think a lot of people in this convo are getting away from the point. Every argument I've seen from a female on here is about the length of time. I'm a man, I can't have a child so who am I to say it doesn't hurt as much. But what I think is safe to say is that both sides are in extreme pain. I don't know what they would rate in a certain measurement but lets just say child birth took 10 - 30 mins for the pain to go away. I bet you the pain scale would be pretty much even. Why does one gender have to go through more pain then the other? Doesn't make us better then each other so lets just all thank the women for giving birth, and thank the men for...well for having an experience that we can relate to women with. Thank you goodbye
S182 15
99 - that's a bad analogy because the urethra was not meant to stretch and push things out.
MaJiCiDe 5
So get two cups and fill them with 500ml of water... Then poke a hole in the bottom of one and tip the other one upside down... Then tell me which one leaked the most water... Ladies and gentlemen there's your comparison...
Flesheatinmonkey 3
What if it's so bad your testicles retract into your stomach
emirie 21
Unless you've both given birth and been kicked in the balls, you shouldn't decide you're right on that matter. Since we all know you can't have both...
EchoSerenity 15
Agreed with #54, though if guys were kicked in the nuts in the right spot it could do some damage, like lose a nut, true story, but still probably not as bad as the pain of child birth.
gigiskye 20
It's not worse though
sarahshanghai 9
That's crazy. I mean, everything said in an urban legend is real. Except for dels. That's just a bunch of crap.
SillyGirl4602 23
No. Not everything said in an urban legend is real.
doodlecloud 27
97 - I am pretty sure 9's comment was sarcasm, and quite obvious sarcasm at that.
LetItFlow57 7
Do you believe in the Boogeyman, too? Gosh, it's not called a "legend" for nothing. Based off of some sort of truth but ultimately nil.
slingo234 12
Try having an emergency c section and finding out the hard way that you're allergic to morphine...
annie_nk 23
Oh. My. GOD! I am so sorry! I can't wrap my head around the level of pain you were in. I pity anyone who tries to argue with you a kick in the nuts is more painful.
Catkam623 27
Than childbirth at a single instant yes, having your stomach cut open with no painkillers no.
WearingHats 14
10 is a guy. Lol.
doodlecloud 27
47 Doesn't mean his wife/girlfriend/someone he knows didn't have that experience.
WearingHats 14
Refer back to 19's comment.
oj101 33
I think it was the other way around actually. Giving birth has a similar dels rating to multiple bones being broken at onces. Meanwhile, pain in testicles being kicked are comparably tiny.
BradyT918 9
Ever heard if testicular trauma.
aralc2 12
A "del" is not an actual unit of measurement, as pain is subjective and impossible to measure.
anabelgraceaxton_fml 15
one more person down because of it... it's never going to get answered this one.