Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML
Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML
Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML
Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML
Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML
Today, while I was playing football with a friend, my sister wanted to join in. She was messing around with the ball at the start, then suddenly she kicked the ball through my legs, pulled my shorts down and kneed me in the nuts. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mccrightp 29
What is it with trashy parents not disciplining their kids?
KittyLahv 27
What a little asshole. Maybe a stray soccer ball will hit him between the legs...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (160)
bballer4life895 13
Hahahah. Made my day.
fortune789 17
That comment sucked balls.
wastedpenguin 14
not op's cuz he lost his
NatsuD_fml 13
One might even say they're both nuts.
xChaos 29
That's a pretty BALLSY joke there, you could've offended OP
ForwardUn2Dawn 18
But couldn't have offended OP's children. They died.
ztress 10
You're the devil
elmassapilo 9
funny....now my nuts hurt also. :-(
TheCrispyCat 20
Same. Let's all roll around on the floor again.
Demig0d6 14
May my prayers be with ops unborn children
incoherentrmblr 22
You might want to get that checked out. Testicular cancer is not joke. Don't want to end up like Tom Green or Lance Armstrong...
Amanyyyyyy 29
Now's the part where you return the favor.
foxwasalamb 24
also called going to jail for abusing a child
illegalbeagle69 23
"Theres things you dont know about me, Jim. I'll **** a kid up he punch me in the dick."
ilovetraveler 17
maybe he's referring to the mom
rachangie 19
Hitting the mom in the nuts as pay back? Yeah, makes perfect sense.
llamaslikesoda 21
Now's the part where you learn about what could happen after kicking a kid in the dick.
brand125 17
dont know why my comment is here in the wrong place..
niallo 23
You could always say you were blinded by the pain as you stamped his head into the ground. The little shit needs a good beating, or someday he'll do it to the wrong person who'll kill him. So your defense is you were actually doing him a favor.
brand125 17
ignore my 103 comment again, i dont know why comments can be shuffled to the wrong spot randomly... oh fml.com
duckie227 22
You deserve it for not wearing a cup then
OysterPearls 33
On behalf of all men (or those with male genitalia), I apologize for this unsympathetic comment made by my fellow female, who may never understand the pain resulting from a kick/punch/projectile to the balls.
SkittlesGoRawr 19
Yes because most men definitely wear cups while playing soccer. This isn't football.
peoneveryone 10
Most people who play soccer don't wear cups, myself included.
tiernang 21
And a cup wouldn't help to much with a full blown kick.
dante_53 13
You dont wear cups in football either...
SkittlesGoRawr 19
Not always, I assume. I don't know much about sports, but I've seen guys with cups in their football bags.
duckie227 22
Hey don't apologize for me. If men are so worried about their junk getting hit, protect it. Plain and simple. OP deserves it no matter what y'all believe.
assassin01 1
Point valid. He should hav worn a cup. Duckie wins
haddiej 21
Then you deserve a kick to the vag. Plain and simple.
duckie227 22
I ahead. I can take it. I'm stronger than all those sissy men
BeepBeepSwerve 9
getting hit in the sensitive spots is obviously going to hurt, that doesn't mean the op is a sissy -_-
llamaslikesoda 21
You may be stronger than the "sissy" men #73, that being said, it doesn't necessarily mean you could take a shoe in your vag.
onlychildFTW 34
I'm i like the only one who wears a cup for soccer? Seems to be one of the few. Well I wear a cup for a lot of sports that involve moving projectiles.
brand125 17
oh duckie your so misguided... like they said you need a **** punch or two, lol. or since your being insensitive to men, i hope you have your rag so intensly every day forever
brand125 17
since woman complain about it, i hope you get the worst cramps
Ewelty3 19
Generations gone forever...
Vintage_Cola 29
Let's just hope the deceased generation was belibers...
ohSNAPyall 27
#135: No. Unfortunately, they were all ballers.
Talis99 26
That's not how it works, but okay.
bellebe1998 16
Just the way this was worded haha! Hope your uh.. soft spot gets better.
mccrightp 29
What is it with trashy parents not disciplining their kids?
slimkelsey 17
I think you answered your own question when you said "trashy"
Kamon97 23
They are what they eat apparently
SpamPam 18
Hopefully the parent didn't use some cop out excuse like "boys will be boys" or something, that would make the kid feel even less guilty about what he did
cina5 19
Sorry OP, put some ice on it. Hopefully you feel better
cryssycakesx3 23
ice on balls sounds good...
metheonlyb 17
That does not help! Personal experience. The pain is not in the balls. The pain is located on the abdominal cavity. We just have to wait for the pain to subside. :(
katydid91 31
How about a heating pad on your stomach? Would that work 63?
liffagain 16
Ice is not only great for relieving pain but to prevent swelling. Or at least tone it down a little. So you can walk normally sooner.
KittyLahv 27
What a little asshole. Maybe a stray soccer ball will hit him between the legs...
bahamut357 16
Or if you're lucky, in the face.
KushCrushin89 10
You deserve it bud. Wear a cup next time, lesson learned.
Perdition25 12
If there were a lesson to be taught, yeah... Oh, and since in your profile you say you like to correct grammar I will tell you it is actually "You deserve it, bud." Hope you feel the pain OP had felt soon!
lexi365 20
Most guys don't wear a cup in soccer, I don't think.
beelee1988 13
Wearing a cup or not, I do not think he deserved a random child kicking him in the nuts.