Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML
Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML
Today, while working in a blood drawing clinic, a mom sat in the chair holding her 4-year-old child, who kicked me square in the groin. Being a heavyset lady, I shrugged it off and collected the sample, while the child screamed, "Kicking worked on the last man that did this!" FML
Today, I tried to see if you can kick yourself in the nuts. You can. FML
Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML
Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML
Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML
Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML
Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML
Today, my nephew kicked me in the balls, again! And he got me fair and square this time. It's the fourth time he's got me in the balls since the pandemic started. I have to put my groin guard from college on and teach him a lesson because he won't listen and he's 12, so he knows what he's doing. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Can you tell me how much that Hz, on a scale of 1-10?
GothickNihilist 15
Honestly I wish that people would stop treating myths as scientific fact.
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Comments (185)
FlyingMonkey228 5
I had an ulcer perforate and let food and acid out into the rest of my insides which lasted several hours till they knocked me out. When the pain is described as "severe" by medical description you'll know it's bad. Giving birth is apparently like wanting to do a poo with a 8lb bowling ball.
CharresBarkrey 16
I hope you're joking. Pain cannot be medically categorized, as it is subjective and everyone experiences it differently. This is why doctors ask what your pain level is on a scale of 1-10 when you go into the ER - they're determining how severe the pain is according to YOU, not medical standards.
jarrettd 27
All i know is i don't get morphine when i get hit in the sac
evilplatypus 39
If you DID get morphine, you'd probably be hunky-dory about the whole thing. Even WITH the drugs, you'd be hard-pressed to find me a woman who claims birth isn't the single most painful thing in life.
Sputnikspak 13
I had an operation basically comparable to a c-section (they made an incision in my abdomen to access my uterus and surroundings, they just didn't remove a baby), and after the epidural wore off, I was looking for ways to kill myself with whatever was closest to the bed, including my own IV tubes. I was probably still cracked out on the sleepy-time surgery meds, but still - if I wanted to shuffle the mortal coil over a surgery with pain lasting ~2 hours before they gave me the good meds, I can only imagine what labor feels like. And this is why I have dogs.
ecope1989 3
And now I see why you were kicked in the nuts..
laya_fml 26
At least he didn't give you a kick to the testicles.
TheManager 6
I hate that. "Oh that didn't hurt so bad"....1...2...3.... "Oh dear god".
iluvmyducks432 4
It actually is 9000 dels
evilplatypus 39
Actually, it's nothing because that unit of measurement DOESN'T EXIST!
CharresBarkrey 16
No it's not. Stop being so gullible.
WhyAmUHere 19
It once existed. It was used in the 50s, but that's it.
evilplatypus 39
One guy using it for a few years does not a medical standard make.
Tryscorer13 4
Easy answer... Kick to the testicles wins every time!!! After a giving birth, be it a year or so, a woman will think to herself "hmmm, I think I'd like to have another go at that" At no point in time does a guy think to himself "hmmm, i could do with another kick in the testicles right about now". Therefore a kick in the testicles must be more painful!!!
theawkwardlife 21
child birth is painful but having a child is worth the pain. and btw I like your originality.
yoursucklives 36
56 you're stupid. a woman doesn't say: "oh me giving birth to my child was so funny and absolutely not painful, i really would like to do that again," but rather "my beautiful little child is one of the best things that happend to me, i want to have another one."
CharresBarkrey 16
God damn you are stupid.
rawr_ily96 24
I don't know if "shemales" can give birth or not, but if they can let's try asking one.
gigiskye 20
It's not choosing the pain of childbirth. It's choosing to have a child... You don't have a child by getting kicked in the balls.
outoftown 27
The real pain here is not between childbirth and nut-kick. It's not knowing the difference between debating and punching.
xgetxbentx 13
I really don't understand why people keep trying to compare these. I mean, I don't have testicals and I've never given birth, but I don't see how you can compare them. Getting kicked in the nuts obviously really hurts, since its all at once it might hurt a little more than labor, but I don't know to many guys that end up feeling it for hours on end. Where as with labor, not only does it vary person to person, but it is multiple types of pain that lasts hours on end, sometimes even over a day. I just feel like the situations and types of pain are too different to compare.