Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML
Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML
Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML
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Top comments
nenagh_ 0
yep, YDI. you would risk cancer + DEATH so you can make out with some guy??
Luckster 0
You don't NEED to smoke to go outside with him dumbass.
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Comments (129)
_anonymoose_ 0
YDI bigtime
borabora1991 0
dont be something youre not OP.
lendmeyourteeth 0
if she was drunk and the cigarette was white, that wouldn't be too bad but if it was orange filtered.. wtf right ydi didnt pick!~!``~
Secret_Fire_King 0
YDI for trying to be something you're not.. And no, one cigarette will not start an addiction ppl.. It'll take a fair few, b4 you can get over the taste and get used to it..
nosedive1994 0
are u serious!? have you NEVER smoked a ******* cigarette before!? I'm 15 and I wouldn't make that mistake!
gIsaac 0
105 tons of people refuse to even try it once. It's some bullshit belief that it only takes one to get addicted which is obviously impossible- whoever says it's like that is really really dumb and doesn't even understand the meaning of addiction
SpicyDuck 22
that's not exactly it. it's the fact that once you try it you'll later think that the next time might be better and not as bad as the first, then you keep "trying" because you took that first hit.
whiteboy77 0
you don't "hit" a ciagrette it's a drag, you hit a bong or a joint.
ljbgamer 1
I see smokers do that all the time, its just a simple mistake
watisthis 0
o lawd
nenagh_ 0
yep, YDI. you would risk cancer + DEATH so you can make out with some guy??
Jordan_McDeere 0
I'm not a doctor, but a) one cigarette does not a cancerous tumour make, and b) you can get lung cancer even if you've never even touched a cigarette before.
spitfire35 3
yea, but one cigarette can a habit start. ok, that doesn't sound right but you get my point..
ERAUPike 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Cigarettes are amazing tools for getting laid.
StonePilot 0
Jordan, A) It's called a habit, and B) Cigarretes GREATLY increase chances of lung cancer. Take it from a doctor. (Ok, well, almost-doctor)
No_Heart 0
We should go around and kill anyone who has ever smoked, that will teach them to risk their lives.
ran4sh 0
Not necessarily, but it would have the beneficial side-effect of removing that much unnecessary pollution from the air.
nenagh_ 0
jordan -- it can start a habit. my dad died three weeks ago from lung cancer. he got addicted to cigarettes (in habit form) after having just one, then got sick. so **** you.
wh4t3v3R 0
Jordan, everyone knows that when you take the smallest puff from a cigarette , lung cancer drags you into the nearest back ally, beats you up, takes your money, and leaves you there to die. OP: YDI, but that is hilarious, and hopefully he figured out you wanted him.
ghjvio 0
having just ONE ciggarette does not in anyway make you addicted.! i smoked socially (a couple every couple of days) for 8 months before i got addicted.
gIsaac 0
84 good one lol
bms1996 12
84.i'd rather you not kill my mom...
Sithis23 0
104, even if you had a couple every couple days it can still be an addiction! If you couldn't quit or go without it for a while, it's an addiction And you said it yourself! You eventually got addicted
jakebville 9
That's the time at which you say you have had a few too many. Then, he might take you to his truck. ;) ;) ;)
Luckster 0
You don't NEED to smoke to go outside with him dumbass.
Luckster 0
And if you REALLY felt like you needed to impress him with smoking, you wouldn't have lasted the first puff. It burns like hell. You woulda been choking, coughing, and probably vomiting, depending on how weak you are and how strongly you inhale.
alexFYL 11
My first cigarette was nowhere near that harsh.
White667 0
Have you ever had a cigarette #8? Because my first was as smooth as you'd like, seriously not even one cough. It's just weather you actually know what you're doing.
xzc426 0
You're obviously inhaling it wrong. You're suppose to let it settle in your mouth before inhaling.
slayman995 0
Even my first time when I smoked it wasnt harsh at all. Are you sure you werent smoking on a joint, cause that is harsh on the 1st time.
macgruberiscool 0
epic fail XD
Rebecca1993 0
Why would you pretend that you smoke just so you can talk to him? Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it's not necessary. YDI
Cheekers1989 0
I think that is a very stupid thing that you did. You should have simply told the guy that you didn't smoke, but you just wanted to step outside with him, and talk. I'm sure he wouldn't objected to you doing so. Trust me, It hink it would have been easier then proving to him that you're a dumbass. Not to be cruel, but seriously. Tryin' to act 'cool' is ignorant. Just be yourself, and if the guy didn't like that. Then he simply wouldn't have been with your time... Learn that, for the next time you decided to act like an idiot.
etosfml 0
TL;DR
piqqu 0
smoking for some dude from the bar? epic fail
rockyroad1234 0
Smoking doesn't really look cool anymore. People look cooler when they DON'T smoke. Also, you shouldn't try to change something about yourself just to impress some guy from a bar.
haweb 0
I agree with everyone else, but would like to add that it's pretty ridiculous that you don't know which end of a cigarette to light. I don't smoke either, but I know which end goes in your mouth and which end you light. I could maybe understand if you were never around it, but since you borrowed one from your friend...well, sorry you're dumb.