Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML
Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML
Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML
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Top comments
nenagh_ 0
yep, YDI. you would risk cancer + DEATH so you can make out with some guy??
Luckster 0
You don't NEED to smoke to go outside with him dumbass.
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Comments (129)
solidmeds 0
i dont think this is a FML. as a smoker i have done this at least a dozen or so times. sometimes you just arent paying attention and light it backwards
Julia626 0
r u serious? A: your retarted. B: this person is not a smoker they were just trying to be "cool" which smoking isnt
Roadside24 0
im a smoker too and ive only done that once and i was shit faced and seriously i hate how everyone judges people who smoke its their lifes, i understand if they light up right beside you without saying anything but it the long run its their bodies to pollute
alexFYL 11
I have done it twice in my life... ugh it hurts. I was not paying attention both times, obviously... the second time I was flirting with a guy and looking at him instead of what I was doing with my hands. Of course he laughed at me!
gigi2009 0
if you're drunk that's totally ok, like a smoker joke. but serious? do you honestly think he would respect you for that??
natizakhi 0
FAKEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! or unless youre just plain retarded!
psychoxxxinvader 3
YDI for being stupid and narrow-minded enough to give into something like that. AND you're old enough to drink, shouldn't you know better?
arissia 0
"Mind if I join you? I dont smoke, but I could use the fresh air." is a much better excuse to go outside with him.
Julia626 0
exactly!
ran4sh 0
Not exactly "fresh" given that he's smoking, but whatever.
perdix 31
I'd hate to see what happens to you when you meet a "great guy" who turns out to also be a heroin addict. Or gay.
fucentarmal 1
ydi, the reason he and many smokers "go outside" is to avoid annoying self righteous non-smokers...btw smoking doesn't impress a guy unless it is his pole, i mean if you are going to potentially make an ass of yourself, be direct....
ran4sh 0
Self-righteous non-smokers? WTF are you talking about. If anything it is the smokers that are being self-righteous. Non-smokers have the right to clean air, smokers - there's nothing comparable that anyone can say they have the right to. Similarly for other drugs, except regarding alcoholic beverages, which were historically safer to drink than non-alcoholic beverages before water purification technology made it possible to have safe drinking water. (and this still applies for some places in the world today.) Smoking cigarettes (and other drugs) has no justification whatsoever so there's no reason smokers should have ever developed this sense of righteousness.
fucentarmal 1
you have the right to stay home. people like to smoke when they drink. why do you think they have those laws? because if you didn't, and you tried to open a non-smoking bar, it would be lame and empty. so by forcing non-smoking bars, what non-smokers are saying is basically this... we are too uncool to drink with on our own, voluntarily non-smoking bars suck, and even we wouldn't hang out in one, so we want to hang out with the smokers, but we don't want them to smoke...because it offends us. if non-smokers were worth hanging out with in their own right, there wouldn't be a need to mandate non-smoking bars. so really, all the pissing and and crying is a passive-agressive attempt to control the behavior of others. its probably why non-smoking bars suck in places where the market decides, no one wants to hang with non-smokers, not even non-smokers....hence the laws. frankly, there are far greater and far worse pollutants in the air and water, so crying about smoking is selective at best. and if "smoke makes you sick" as many self righteously claim, maybe you are too weak to really survive and we should stop helping you along....
canadiangirl02 0
ydi for sure, but just fyi people "go outside" to smoke in Canada when they're at bars because it's illegal to smoke inside, not to stay away from "self-righteous non-smokers". Just saying...
lem0n_fml 0
Well I believe the point of the law is to get the self-righteous non-smokers to shut the hell up once in a while.
iloveblackshirt6 0
you could have pretended that you were so drunk you did it by mistake.
DynamicDave 11
39 wins! @41: I agree, that's the case here in Ohio as well