Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I put on my favorite booty shorts and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. My dog had chewed a hole in the middle of my shorts, and I was standing on a balcony that's located on the busiest street in town. FML
Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML
Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML
Today, I stayed with a friend because I was recently kicked out of my home and had nowhere to go. When I went out for job applications, she asked, "Can you pick me up a pack of smokes?" and then got mad that I didn't have the money, calling me selfish. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
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Top comments
BirdieC 0
That's kind of a weird thing to say..
iitsya3l 0
lol I can picture that perfectly how's your recovery?
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Comments (129)
iitsya3l 0
lol I can picture that perfectly how's your recovery?
trueeast 0
"cigs" are for pussys who think they're cool.
AVainAttempt 0
The game
kevint9911 15
haha
pongmaster 0
yeah and anyone who smokes tobacco is an idiot
Bertha5 0
ahahah! omgg !
AshtonHellwig 0
YDI for smoking. my opa smoked and got lung cancer.
jaydenjade 0
so you're saying your opa deserved to die?
neon_shoes 0
I agree with you numberrrr 56.
Secret_Fire_King 0
hahaha.. #88 has you there.. And, OP.. Are you ******* serious? Boys/ Smokers at my boarding school don't don't kick eachother in the man hood.. YDI for smoking in primary school.. XD
cowgod 0
every one should smoke weed
Animalover 0
yah right only idiots do!
Animalover 0
no they're just saying DONT SMOKE or u will dieeee duh and just said they got lung cancer didn't say die
kgzh27 0
hell yeahhhh !
Knights2012 0
lol dude that sounds like the todd from scrubs Douchebag five!!!
gummybear904 10
So Albert Einstein is an idiot?
BirdieC 0
That's kind of a weird thing to say..
HoesInaBox 0
you kinda set yourself up for that one, OP. there's nothing like warm cigarrets pulled right outa your crotch..
killabee 0
I keep rereading this and every time I get more and more turned on.
maundy 0
*giggles* me too :)
spoo 24
Suggests my pickup line will eventualy work: "Wanna come back to my house and check out my scratch and sniff chloroform rag" *just a joke folks*
bambidazzlelips 0
haha ya...
wheatie 0
I don't get it
tyrob911 0
Is the "friend" a male or female?
42billybob 5
you don't kick a guy in the nuts unless he's legitimately assaulting you. also, you don't suggest a girl do sexual things unless you want her to think you're legitimately assaulting her (they WON'T assume you're joking). if it was a girl YDI. if it was a guy, he can't take a joke.
mister_moops 0
if it was anybody, they can't take a joke.
BadPinkKitty07 0
congrats, you just won the "most boring FML of the week" award!
Jrook 0
**** you this one was great
dickmeister 0
dude this was one of the worst I've read. I want the 10 seconds of my life back from reading this bullshit
Loosicles 0
If you don't want to waste your time, don't peruse this website. Simple!
namnams 3
No they're right. This FML is not remotely funny
silentfog 0
plus the time taken to reply
viper63 0
dickmeister y you complaining you probley don't even have a life
firecopy 6
funniest fml award of the week reward
sheehan35 2
plus it sounds really fake
skizza_fml 3
since when did fml say "you are only allowed to post funny posts" that sucks for op your friend needs to loosen up
TruckerGustav 0
Chase him/her down and smack him/her across the face for it.
sourgirl101 29
He kicked you 'cause he knew you wanted he to smoke something else prev. I'd kick you too.
babbu18 0
FYI don't wanna ruin the fun stuff but guys can't beat up any women no matter what they've done
Zelda9678 11
If a woman's coming at me with a knife, I don't care, I'm gonna defend myself
Oddball89 6
Dr. Todd comment;)
doink 0
I don't understand why you would say it like that to begin with. If the cigarettes would have been in your hand, chances are, wouldn't have said that. You were probably trying to make a joke, and failed. YDI
Anteezy 7
I don't know you, but you sound like a retard.
tomakobriefs 11
YDI. Quit smoking. Problem solved.
dontwakeuponfire 0
its a personal choice, you have no room to judge
apfunction 0
#12: douchebag.
waspbr 4
of course we can judge, we cannot prohibit but we can judge. It's a filthy unhealthy addiction, and for that he deserves it. There
dontwakeuponfire 0
I smoke and I'm not addicted, once again what room do you have to judge? i'm sure you have some unhealthy habits too.
Fop 6
If you smoke and are not addicted, you are just an idiot. Addicts lack willpower. What's worse? Take your pick!
love2bu 0
don't judge dude.
conversationist 0
i think we can judge if we're all at risk of cancer from secondhand smoke because of all the people who are constantly lighting up.
nlm92 15
Comments like these are very naive. You clearly have never been addicted. It's not that easy... Oh lord I wish it was that easy... He didn't deserve that just because he's a smoker. Regardless of whether or not he *should* smoke, his smoking and the reasons he began are none of your business. Comments like yours have absolutely no positive effect on smokers, take it from an ex smoker.