Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML
Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML
Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML
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Top comments
nenagh_ 0
yep, YDI. you would risk cancer + DEATH so you can make out with some guy??
Luckster 0
You don't NEED to smoke to go outside with him dumbass.
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Comments (129)
Bucinka 5
You don't need to even fake smoke in a sitch like that. Just say you need some air, or time away from the music. Don't pretend to smoke. He'll respect you less for trying to be something you're not.
AcidicDeath 0
Uhh...you don't need to be fake like that, he will still like you and if he doesn't he isn't worth it, also, don't worry about lighting the wrong end, my friends and I do it all the time, mostly cause we're not sober, but it's just something we laugh at together.
JustApollo 0
10 points. That takes skill.
Ninjaface 0
You should have shot back that you have some experience putting tubes in your mouth, thank you very much. If that doesn't get him, nothing will.
KingGodMcSmell 0
1. One cigarette doesn't get you addicted 2. the OP wasn't trying to be cool, i think she was trying to be sociable- wouldn't you watch a crap movie in order to spend time with someone you liked?
hilhal 0
actuallyy jordan-it is true one won't cause cancer, but for every one that you smoke, 7 minutes is taken off your life. so ydi for losing minutes off your life to impress a nasty smoker
transientpunk 0
man i would love if someone would show me the test results for this whole loss of 7 minutes per cigg thing... i keep seeing so many people state this as fact when last i check in order for a theory to become fact it has to be testable and repeatable and as far as i know no one has succeeded in having the exact same person live the exact same life twice with the only difference being whether or not they smoked... so for the sake of your own appearance maybe you should stop stating hear-say as fact, unless of course you like everyone knowing how truly ignorant you really are mkay =) in the mean time im sure we can all agree that ciggs are not healthy and they probably shorten our lives but by how much... no one can be certain
TrueRaiderFan22 0
**** cigs
gIsaac 0
ydi obviously my friend did that once.. she was trying to light one of my parliaments and said it didn't work so I took it and lit it properly. I said it tasted funny and looked at the filter and saw part of it was burned off, I was so pissed
Franorox 8
he would like u more if he knew u were only going outside coz of him
Zoidburg 0
And you're a close minded ass hole.