Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I was having a vegetarian meal at my date's house. She was very proud because she grew all the veggies herself; she even made the fertiliser herself. I was halfway through the meal before I asked what she meant by "made her own fertiliser." It was human shit; her own human shit. FML
Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
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Top comments
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
It's ok OP. You obviously have a brain or else you wouldn't have been able to post this.
mollyjynxjax 28
The word she was looking for was pescatarian (the term for someone who eats fish meat but not any other kind of meat). So she was stupid to be arrogant in the first place, and doubly so for getting the term wrong.
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Comments (250)
JKPwnage 27
Your teacher's an idiot
arsenicatnip 5
I guess she confused vegetarian with pescetarian? Still, she sounds like a bitch and she doesn't even know her terminology. Good for you for trying to be a good BF tho OP, fyl!
JKPwnage 27
She would live forever in a zombie apocalypse.... Think about it.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
There aren't different types of vegetarians, there are different types of people who refer to themselves as vegetarians. Vegetarians, by definition, don't eat any kind of meat. Some eat eggs/other dairy products, but the key concept of vegetarianism is not eating ANY meat. There are definitely people that call themselves vegetarians but do eat chicken and/or seafood -- but they're not really vegetarians. Calling yourself something doesn't make it true, unfortunately. I keep saying I'm Beyonce but alas, no luck :(
guineagirl96 38
Oh my gosh I'm so sorry I accidentally clicked thumbs down instead of up and it won't let me fix it :/
db224 2
That is actually a pescitarian so she is also wrong
eagleriverjohn 24
Remember this though. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Ilmoran 20
How about having a partner who doesn't insult you when her incorrect statement leads to confusion.
xsilentxninjax 10
I agree, if you're insulted by your partner every time you disagree with them, are you really happy with that person?
eagleriverjohn 24
True. I guess he could be both by getting a new girlfriend
cait_eliz810 1
A lot of vegetarians do eat seafood..
Ilmoran 20
No, a lot of pescetarians call themselves vegetarians.
Nilorak 24
No.
Ishilied 11
Eh, that's one of the categories of 'soft' vegetarianism. If she were vegan, though, that would be a whole 'nother story.