Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I was having a vegetarian meal at my date's house. She was very proud because she grew all the veggies herself; she even made the fertiliser herself. I was halfway through the meal before I asked what she meant by "made her own fertiliser." It was human shit; her own human shit. FML
Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
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Top comments
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
It's ok OP. You obviously have a brain or else you wouldn't have been able to post this.
mollyjynxjax 28
The word she was looking for was pescatarian (the term for someone who eats fish meat but not any other kind of meat). So she was stupid to be arrogant in the first place, and doubly so for getting the term wrong.
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Comments (250)
Traitoro 9
Blah blah blah Ashley.
domolovesyoshi 33
vegetarians can eat fish, it's vegans that abstain from all meat
mea_iloveskiing 26
Still better love story than twilight
joshwright 1
Not true. That's pescetarianism.
06cobaltSSftw 7
there are different kinds of vegetarians some eat fish, some chicken and some dairy or a combination of the 3.
JaneChemi_fml 21
vegan: no dairy, meat, eggs, no leather, no gelatin vegetarian: no meat, no leather, no gelatin pescaterian: no meat (besides fish), no gelatin, leather depends on the person.
doctor__who 19
...there are different types of vegetarian. Some eat seafood and all that jazz and some won't eat anything that came from an animal.
worldclassrager 41
Every relationship has a smarter person...even though when broken down it's usually a tie...one has a brain in this case food and you probably have something that makes it weigh out evenly...
Sparkieemae 14
Now its time to explain to her that clearly she is not the one with any brains whatsoever as shrimps are made of shrimp flesh and the key point of being a vegetarian is to not cram flesh into your face.
Pictureit13 6
It was obvious after he explained that she order shrimp and asked why she was eating it.. Try reading between the lines.