Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after an amazing date with a girl I like at a restaurant, I realized I foolishly forgot my wallet. When I returned, I spotted my date at another table on a date with a different guy. I also wasn’t able to find my wallet. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had a lovely dinner date. Our waitress was really sweet, so we talked about leaving her a big tip. When we got home, we discovered we both thought the other person had left it. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
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Top comments
taerts 9
I feel extremely sad for the robbed man :(
bosskidz20 2
Dafuq
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Comments (143)
8rabido8 11
First
taerts 9
I feel extremely sad for the robbed man :(
darien987 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe I read this wrong but I don't understand someone please explain, lol
DrDilllonReese 12
He's saying he has no balls.
_BradyBunch_ 7
Not literally, though
SesameSpeed 7
Your girlfriend sounds like an awful person. Like a terrible human being. Sigh :(
XxDevilxXGt 26
No worries, the man to clarify is here. So, this one day, a girfriend was taken by his anniversary to a wonderful restroom. When the dinner left the table to get an AWOL, the the restaurant across the wallet swiped OP's gonads, and the boyfriend got to eat his taco after all. I hope that answers anyones questions.
ArbiterOfFML 24
what?
awagh666 14
Yup. Dump her ass right now. Or don't you have the balls for that too OP?
DarkPrince_fml 0
I wonder what that poor guy did, I mean you were at a nice restaurant and I assume he had already ordered and eaten or was in the process of eating. Then he finds out he can't pay for the meal because some bitch and her boyfriend stole his wallet.
ThatLSUFan 4
You gotta keep your pimp hand strong and teach that bitch what's right and wrong
Toddle 7
You need to man up homeboy.
twilightluvr101 4
Im going out on a limb here, but im guessing that he worked hard for his money and u should be a good person and make ur girlfriend return it, and of u ever breakup I suggest u horde all valuable things, just in case:-P !
twilightluvr101 4
*hide, ps **** you autocorrect!!!
KeyboardWarrior 10
So anybody wanna tell me why I can't un-hide my profile no matter how many times I smash my computer with my metal baseball bat? I mean, I've tried welding it, cussing it out and even singing Justina Bieber songs to it, but it's just not working. I know that many of you probably don't know the answer so I'm hoping a mod will give me a link to that page/site that I absolutely cannot remember the name of.
Sirin_fml 47
@KeyboardWarrior: On the website — https://www.fmylife.com/account/infos/
kiran_fml 5
If the FML was written from the point of view of the robbed guy, everyone would say YDI for leaving your wallet on the table.
kyarush 10
And this would be me :O
GwennaRose 22
This is the best comment ever!
GwennaRose 22
@XxDevilXxGTt
GwennaRose 22
Yellow Dandelion Intimidator
Blackmail111 9
The FML moderators are f****** epic!
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
*creeper voice* I still can't see your profile 113.
holly1398 5
why? he's stupid enough to leave his wallet on the table, it should be stolen!
blackheart24 10
103- I thumbed your comment down just because of your profile name.
eb0ny 15
Yeah OP. **** YOUR life, because this is so hard for YOU.
Virtual_BS 13
I logged in just to thumb #57 up.
Cereal__Killer 3
Is no one else wondering why he even left his wallet on the table in the first place???? She was wrong but from his point of view, he deserved it!
KaanTech 0
"I suggest u horde all valuable things." FOR THE HORDE! /trollface
KaanTech 0
My earlier commet goes to 103 and 106 if you give a f.ck :)
lyssa_jean 7
hahahaha
murdersquirrel 15
223 - nope.
lilny5613 10
i cant figure out how to thumbs down this but i would
The_madmax 23
#73 the Man didn't do anything wrong except for not returning it, the girlfriend is the one who stole it.
bosskidz20 2
Dafuq
sceptic 1
Hehe why not say it in english :)
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
Man, If there is one thing that I've learned in life, it's to stand up for what you know and believe to be right. I'm sure you'll do the right thing next time dude.
grahambertus 11
Her morals are FUBAR.
smiles2334 0
Def Awk! (definately awkward)
rokemay 10
What's the point of writing the "short form" (which is stupid anyway) if you are going to write it out fully as well?
ClassyCommando 13
Bitches be crazy...dudes be *******. I believe that sums up this story.
ClassyCommando 13
129- Because "Def Awk" sounds like "Dafuq". Geddit?
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
I thought it was 'the ****'.. Ehh what do i know..
BTSfanatic 0
Comment of the year.
BunnySlippers 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What does gonads and AWOL mean?
McMan 23
What does Google mean? Where am I? Who are you people?
Careful_Coyote 6
Gonads are testicles and AWOL is a military term which stands for "absent without official leave."
MrsPegg 45
poor Bunny! Goggle is amazing for such questions, but because I'm feeling nice... Gonads= a term to describe courage/guts/balls, etc. AWOL= away without leave.
shankle1234 0
It's like balls and "TF"
angrymexican 8
What the hell is going on?
MrsPegg 45
Sorry about repeating what everyone above me practically said (minus the Goggle instead of Google part). *Walks away in Shame*
hurtandabused 7
Thanks
soccerguy2 11
Angry Walruses Outside Louisiana. gonads is a hipster term for a napkin
zachherbert 10
Close, but it's Americen Whales Over Loads. You were right on the Napkins though.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Americen...?
zachherbert 10
American.... Sorry
slick5880 22
Annoying Women Out Looting
bball234 6
Amazing Orange Weenis Lickers.
ghostlilac 25
86 - So close! :p
kooochris1995 14
Amazing waffles on leashes. At least I tried!! Don't thumb me down ):
flockz 20
anacondas with ovary leeches.
arcanevandal 0
Alien Wieners Outside London
bizarre_ftw 22
Angry Weevils Often Lush
altigue 0
Why are u on fml if u don't know those 2 kindergarten terms? -.-
ghostlilac 25
Why r u on FML if u cnt even type full wrds??1
writergirl23 19
McMan, some people aren't actually from America, you know. You people don't cover half the world like you think. And I don't care if I get thumbed down.
The_Troller 14
What was the purpose of that comment?
Amethyst99 2
gonads means wallet and awol means was stolen by some skanky bitch
benimin 6
*thumbs down*
MadisonDerp 16
OH I thought it meant, like, his nuts were going crazy. I was like, did you soil yourself? Bahaha! Okay I get it now.
comedybreak 20
YDI for not saying anything
SALthe3rd 4
What a kleptomaniac ho. YDI ya shoulda called her out on it. You need to drop that girl.
thisiscat 14
Gonads, balls, sack, English tea bags, nuts, jelly beans- now I've heard them all.
bizarre_ftw 22
Testicles
bubbywaldo 0
Don't forget nads and nards, short for gonads.
downtime 13
5, They deserve more than just our mockery. This idiot is pathetic, and I can't imagine a situation where anyone would vote FYL. The least this moron could do is take the time to get his head out of his ass, use the ID in the wallet to contact the guy and return it to him - with the money still inside. This would of course be following a really long argument with your girlfriend on how much of a colossal twat she is, and threatening to call the police if she doesn't let you return it, before walking out on her pathetic ass and never looking back. The fact that you used the words "my girlfriend" in this FML tells me you really are the worlds biggest sucker.
thats_my_job 11
I wish I could thumbs up #206 a million times. My thoughts exactly. Them I'd hide my valuables.
Careful_Coyote 6
Your gonads were probably already hiding in her purse. Which she probably had also stolen.
antwon86 4
Best comment I have seen in a while.
Redoxx_fml 22
Let's just hope his sense of humor isn't MIA
MargieDrury 1
Haha lmao!
lindora 35
Makes me think, if she can do that to some poor stranger, You should wonder about the things she might be doing to you.
thebeautybleeds 17
162- it's easier to hurt someone you don't know then someone you do.
Redoxx_fml 22
169-It's quite the opposite
stormer461 13
Sounds like she has bigger balls than you.
btnhdude 0
Or a bigger ********.
nofearjenshere 12
44 - Ew?
Beeftinkle 13
So thats where my wallet went ; /
MrsPegg 45
Blame it on the planetary alignment? ...or on the alcohol?....Nah, that was shitty of her no matter the reason. But YDI for not saying something, anything. Bad OP, very bad!!!
btnhdude 0
I blame it on global warming, the economy, China, Obama, Romney, and the fact that 12/21/12 is near.
dkaur 0
..what's YDI
77777771 12
You deserved it. Try google next time?
AmongstTheFaces 5
I thought YDI stood for Your Dumb Indeed. You just mind ****** me.
AngiLaLa1 2
You're* ... Who's the dumb one?
TheFamilyElf 17
You've been together long enough to have an anniversary and you're not used to this kind of behavior? Man... You think you know someone. Come on dude. Be a man.