Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after an amazing date with a girl I like at a restaurant, I realized I foolishly forgot my wallet. When I returned, I spotted my date at another table on a date with a different guy. I also wasn’t able to find my wallet. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had a lovely dinner date. Our waitress was really sweet, so we talked about leaving her a big tip. When we got home, we discovered we both thought the other person had left it. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
taerts 9
I feel extremely sad for the robbed man :(
bosskidz20 2
Dafuq
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (143)
Petunia888 13
That spurt of kleptomania would've freaked me out, too. Dude, Be careful; your wallet could be next!
I_heart_sex 1
Kleptomaniac is just the word. You seem smart
obri98 10
Hm...this FML seems like the opportune time to show off my ability to use a thesaurus in a way to make me look more intelligent... Naw jkjk I love u Big words ftw :3
bubo_fml 11
If she does that at a nice restaurant, she'd probably hold up a coffee shop, a la 'Pulp Fiction' style...Love ya Hunny Bunny!
pjkrit 0
You took your girlfriend out? Did you use a sniper?
MonsterCommenter 4
He shoulda kept his money at home in a piggy bank. -.-
RealChinese 7
Like you've never stolen anything in your life.
Red_Wing_Nut44 14
Well it seems to me that OP, like most law abiding people, has morals and a sense of right and wrong. So no, I'm pretty sure he hasn't stole anything before.
fadingaway 17
I'm an ex-shoplifter but I would never steal someone's wallet like that. My excuse (to myself, mostly) was that these were huge companies who wouldn't be affected by a missing necklace or chocolate bar. It's completely different with a person though. There could be really important things in his wallet - money he really needs or something sentimental. Not to mention his driver's licence, bank cards and ID - things that would take a lot of time and money to reapply for. That's just wrong, OP. Grow some balls. And I suggest you watch your back. Don't leave anything valuable around your girlfriend.
RealChinese 7
most law abiding people = sheep that develops their morals with religion/government laws
downtime 13
200, You trolling ****. Following a "first, do no harm" ideology is not being a "sheep". You may not be able to understand the basics of what morality is about, but most of us are aware that ******* over people you don't know like that is pathetic. By the way, if you steal my wallet I'll castrate you. See, we don't all align our moral code with the law. Dipshit.
KaR1sma 6
At least your not paying for the meal
PYLrulz 17
Pussy is nice and all, but don't BE a pussy
alexup24 13
you're her partner in crime!!!
Genoc123 5
Someone is writing fml About stolen wallet
ScarletBloom 14
Next anniversary. Dine and dash.
SPAIDZ 0
No they did that this time too