Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after an amazing date with a girl I like at a restaurant, I realized I foolishly forgot my wallet. When I returned, I spotted my date at another table on a date with a different guy. I also wasn’t able to find my wallet. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had a lovely dinner date. Our waitress was really sweet, so we talked about leaving her a big tip. When we got home, we discovered we both thought the other person had left it. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
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Top comments
taerts 9
I feel extremely sad for the robbed man :(
bosskidz20 2
Dafuq
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Comments (143)
CallMeMcFeelii 14
What doesn't make sense to me is why your "gonads went AWOL". Could someone shed some light on this situation for me?
MargieDrury 1
Probably when you have balls you have courage but since he didn't have enough courage his balls left
desireev 18
Whenever I hear guys saying that their 'gonads' or their 'balls' went AWOL, that meant they were turned on or sexually excited.. So that is what I gathered from it. That he was turned on by his girlfriend doing such a thing..
bacon12 0
AWOL means "Away With Out Leave" It does not mean a man is turned on. Maybe next time you could google it instead of making stupid answers like that :/
desireev 18
It wasn't a stupid answer. Think about it for a second before you continue being a jackass! What happens when a man 'gets off' or ejaculates? He releases sperm. Where does the sperm come from? His 'balls' or testicles. What does that mean? That means that his testicles are empty. Which is why 'AWOL' is similar and slightly relevant to the saying 'My balls went AWOL'.. And my resources for that are full-grown men. I'm pretty sure that they didn't say things like that, since they hit puberty and were old enough to understand the matter, and NOT know what the hell they were talking about! Although, I am a woman and I'm not equipped to know what 'My gonads went AWOL' really means and feels like. I can only go off of what my adult, male friends say...
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Why the **** did I get thumbed down for asking a question? It wasn't even a dumb one. ******* trolls.
MargieDrury 1
People are dicks I hate it to.
bacon12 0
AWOL is a term used in the military you bimbo it has nothing to do with sex nor is it a sexual term whos the jackass now bitch? Plus your friends are probably either mentally challenged or just perverts
blueeyedwolf 10
Yeah, sorry desireev, you are WRONG. Now you made yourself look stupid. Better to keep quiet and make people wonder if you are stupid than to speak (in your case, type) and remove all doubt.
KaeSAL 11
It isn't as much to do with the fact that you're a woman as it does with your inability to determine the meaning of two combined common phrases by considering the context they were used in.
monkiki62 5
Well the guy shouldn't have left his wallet on the table. I mean we are in a recession. And just talk to her about it. Not something to trip balls over op. Lol
ssnowywinter 0
It's stupid to leave your wallet anywhere, even in the best of times. A recession has nothing to do with it.
WordSmyth 2
The alibi of the century: "Why did you kill this man defendant?" "Well...you were in a recession and- "Say no more! You're free to go!"
SoultheWolf 19
Why didn't you say something when you saw it? I would've forced her to give it back before the guy came back from the restroom. Also, if she's willing to do that to a complete stranger, what is she willing to take from you? I would be careful of her...
RoseCrystal 17
Your girlfriend is a thieving bitch and you are a coward. Karma has your numbers.
tehdarkness 21
She's terrible but he deserves it or leavin his wallet. Hope you said something to her or are planning to end it based on a difference of values!
Jjjessee 1
Shit happens but You are a dick for telling us you got no balls
emba_fml 13
wow. your girlfriend sounds like a horrible person. ydi for having a horrible person for a girlfriend and for being too much of a little bitch to call her out on it
MargieDrury 1
Not to be a random ass creeper but your pic shows your cleavage big time.lol and tour pretty
gracehi 33
DUMP HER NOW!!!! I knorr from personal experience that if she's shameless enough to steal in front of you, she's shameless enough to steal FROM you. You're next,OP. Dodge that thieving bullet while you still can.
gracehi 33
*know from personal experience. ******* auto correct.
jdcg116 10
What a tool
BigManWithThePla 0
I'd **** her if I were u when we got home, congrats
groupleader 7
I am sure she "stole" his wallet so she could track him down latet. My guess is it is her way of meeting her next boyfriend.