Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. They found her on the roof, threatening to kill herself. I had to pretend to sound scared and sad over the phone, but in reality, the only emotion I could feel was extreme joy. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML
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Top comments
noshitsherlock 0
WOW. Since it was so ******* important (HELLO, JOB), you should punish her by making her live off of the bare minimum for at least a month - NO CELL PHONE AT ALL, basic shitty food, no new clothes, etc.
Simbo_fml 0
wow. you have a really messed up daughter.
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Comments (246)
TVKill3r 15
I think a deactivation of the phone and maybe forcing her to watch you smash it with a sludge hammer sounds good.
marinawolters 3
Smash her phone right in front of her! That'll teach her not to be the girl who cried rape;)
Panda_Shy_Haven 17
Time to give some little girl a beating
eash 10
Your daughters awesome! Simply awesome.
stretchedthin 20
I'd beat her ass black and blue for that one and take away every single one of her privileges grounded to her room with nothing in it except her bed blankets and clothes until further notice the only time she'd be out of her room is to use the bathroom eat at the dinner table and school.
MrFerrovax 4
beat the child
xZeroSanity 11
You need to beat her. I wouldn't stand for that.
elizacandle 29
Tell that little brat thay now she won't have the phone for even longer because that shitty behavior should not be tolerated and because she cost you a potential job that would have helped pay for bill, her phone included.
Baller_Bob 17
What a little bitxh
PurpleKatKionna 19
That kid needs the fear of the mother put in her. And seriously, no privileges. No phone seemed bad, how about a real grounding? Good luck with your warped child, OP.