Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML
Today, after I decided to explore my bisexual side since none of the four men I’ve been in relationships with ever got me to orgasm, I’ve now slept with three women this year. None of them got me to orgasm either. I guess I should just buy a vibrator or something. I’ll probably marry it. FML
Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML
Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML
Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML
Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML
Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML
Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML
Today, I received my package. I ordered a vibrator, I was so excited to use it, but when I was finally ready to use it, I found out that it broke during the delivery. FML
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Top comments
Nikki 17
Stop sex shaming yourself, there’s nothing wrong with toys. People invented these things to make sex more fun you might as well take advantage of them!
Anderling 33
There’s no shame in being single, taking care of your needs, or finding new and fun ways to do so.
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Comments (3)
Anderling 33
There’s no shame in being single, taking care of your needs, or finding new and fun ways to do so.
Nikki 17
Stop sex shaming yourself, there’s nothing wrong with toys. People invented these things to make sex more fun you might as well take advantage of them!
cuz803 46
My single male brother...I've been single for 3 years but I didn't scoop this low. If you don't already: - Put yourself out there - Go to bars - Go to parties - Go to the gym - Just don't be a hermit - Use dating apps - Hang out with people You can break this singledom syndrome with effort 👌