Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. They found her on the roof, threatening to kill herself. I had to pretend to sound scared and sad over the phone, but in reality, the only emotion I could feel was extreme joy. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
noshitsherlock 0
WOW. Since it was so ******* important (HELLO, JOB), you should punish her by making her live off of the bare minimum for at least a month - NO CELL PHONE AT ALL, basic shitty food, no new clothes, etc.
Simbo_fml 0
wow. you have a really messed up daughter.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (246)
JMW177 6
Tell her since u didnt get the job, ur forcing her to only eat 1-2 meals a day and bnot buy anything she wants
newburton13 26
Someone's about to lose a lot more than their phone. How about a few teeth?
jessicadavis374 6
My parents would of beaten the living hell out of me for that... I'm 24 with 2 kids of my own now and they still would of beaten me.
thejahfox 0
Hit her in the ******* face!
spazzattack 0
Make sure you call back and tell them your daughter was being immature and tell them she doesn't understand the meaning of the word. A more intense punishment is now necessary. Hope child services doesn't show up on your doorstep for your sake. *knock on wood*
elizabethross 0
wow, my parents would have deactivated my cellphone for that, not to mention a well needed shit kicking. If I could get my hands on your kid I promise you she'd have no more behavioural problems like that anymore
SarahhRF 6
WHIP HER ASS LIKE YOUR PARENTS WOULD HAVE DONE YOU!
jjmiller1001 17
Tell her to get in the car b/c your going to take her to the hospital and drop her off as an unwanted child. Remember it's a no questions asked policy
Stuffaluffagus 25
I agree with 16, boarding school is the way to go
freizz 1
Karma x)