Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. They found her on the roof, threatening to kill herself. I had to pretend to sound scared and sad over the phone, but in reality, the only emotion I could feel was extreme joy. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML
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Top comments
noshitsherlock 0
WOW. Since it was so ******* important (HELLO, JOB), you should punish her by making her live off of the bare minimum for at least a month - NO CELL PHONE AT ALL, basic shitty food, no new clothes, etc.
Simbo_fml 0
wow. you have a really messed up daughter.
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Comments (246)
ItsJustMe17 9
you deserved that one.... but that's coming from a 14-year-old girl(:
fmladvice 0
Smack her ass and put her up for adoption. She's a bitch? Get rid of it, it doesn't deserve you
Zacky_Vengeance 6
hahaha! your daughter is awesome! :D
mehwhocares 9
Alright, then. Since you're short of a job, you now have less money. Since you have less money, you now have to cut back on unnecessary expenses. Like her phone. See how she takes that. Oh, and, by the way, you people that say you must have a phone to survive are wrong. I've never had a cell phone in my life and I get along just fine. It's not actually that big of a deal. OP, if you agree with them on that, do as a previous poster said and just forbid her from leaving the house alone except for school. Problem solved.
savmut 8
WTF...Kids today. Everyoine wants to know why I don't want kids, this is why. It's not even a fact of "bad parenting" There are so many other influences on kids today, and personally I never got a phone until I was in my twenties and living on my own. Any kid I have will have the same "rules" or I will get one of the "kid" phones, where you program in police, mom, dad, and home numbers only.
KataraTheBender 0
Why are girls naturally bitchy?
RegeenaDanielle 0
I would have beat the hell out of her!
yankfan89 27
Take away her phone permanently since she cost you the job
archava 0
and this is why some kids should be beaten
bby5150 0
YDI for raising a daughter who has no respect