Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
It's not what you think!
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Love and hate
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. They found her on the roof, threatening to kill herself. I had to pretend to sound scared and sad over the phone, but in reality, the only emotion I could feel was extreme joy. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Thanks mom
Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML
Top comments
noshitsherlock 0
WOW. Since it was so ******* important (HELLO, JOB), you should punish her by making her live off of the bare minimum for at least a month - NO CELL PHONE AT ALL, basic shitty food, no new clothes, etc.
Simbo_fml 0
wow. you have a really messed up daughter.
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Comments (246)
Simbo_fml 0
wow. you have a really messed up daughter.
Zee2Beez 0
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O MY u R goin Ham ! u should calm down!! FYL cuz ur sayin way too much!
Zee2Beez 0
bad parenting? cell phones are like caring gum around in ur pocket, everyone has one. children @ the age of 7 have phones now. the world is too corrupt for ur child not to b able to get in contact with u. teach them how n when to use their cell phone n only for emergencys. 13 yr olds are old enuff. geesh
tiancai 0
I don't see why a child would need a phone anyway. I didn't have a cellphone until I was 19 (and I got one only because a relative gave me their old one, not because I needed it).
timtam24 0
you're not everyone, it's possible that a 13 year old would need one. If not, it would be more convenient for them.
Kuroftw 0
Your name is so original. Hurr durr.
Shuinoshina 0
Maybe she should ground her from life....If you catch my drift ;]
Japemead 0
I agree. You also have a stupid daughter. Her costing you a job means you have less money to pay for her food, clothes, and guess what? Her phone. Take the phone away permanently, and say it's cause money's too tight now that she ****** up that job for you.
darkx_fml 0
gives you a reason to cancel her phone now instead of not letting her use it
lem0n_fml 0
Oh yes, bgpink, you're absolutely right. How did we EVER survive thousands of years without cell phones?! Everyone must have been raped and kidnapped by construction workers, right? One, don't stereotype. Two, there's just as much danger as there was twenty years ago, the media just publicizes it more than before. Cell phones AREN'T a necessity.
blehblooblah 0
Kay people, it's not bad that kids have cell phones. I for one have a cell phone and even though I text and all that, I'm pretty responsible with it. It's only the stereotypical brats that freak out about cell phones like that.
Kylieerawrous 1
Well I am a teen now. I had to get a phone when I was nine BECAUSE I walked from home which was a mile [not complaining about the mile part] from home but also I live in a messed up neighborhood. By messed up I mean "Held at gunpoint" messed up. I am not even 19 yet I am a long ways from there. But still it wasnt fancy or anything.
ItsAlexFool 0
By the way, his name is MykeHawke, not MikeHawke. OP, take her phone, perform some sort of torturing technique on it, and make her pay for a new phone. Or just give it to someone who would REALLY need one. Kids, these days, I swear. Sure, I'm one myself, but it seems that the younger they get, the less class, respect and morals they have.
ItsAlexFool 0
And I had a cell phone when I was about 10. When my mother and I moved, we never got a home phone, so a cell phone was kinda necessary.
americayay 0
Agreed 71. Break the phone. In front of her. And tell her that because you didn't get the job, some other expense is going to have to go. Example, pawn her ipod.
ThUrSdAy13th 0
where'd u live, small town?!? any kid planning walking around the city by themselves or even the suburbs needs a phone. if your kids in danger or even just things dont go according to plan and they need a ride or for u to grab them something from home u want them to be about to call u for it
myrddraal_fml 0
moron
Ferretknows 0
I agree. I hate parents like the OP. They let their children get spoiled and then complain or bring their children in public so that other people have to suffer. In my mind having a child that doesn't at least RESPECT you would be the ultimate failure as a parent.
Starsmydog 0
Give her 50 cents to use a pay phone or go into a store and ask to borrow a phone.
Im_Not_Jimmy 0
This is actually not a bad idea #72; teach her to be responsible for her actions. She may have cost you a much needed job, which in this economy is no small matter. Show her the natural consequences for her actions. She cost you a job and there for money, you need money to pay for things for her like her cell phone, no money no cell phone. She will learn real fast that way not to over react to things. Knowing that she can’t have a phone till you have a job and you dont have a job now, because of her behavior will get the message across.
alexl22 0
its funny that everyone defending the daughter uses text speak. "U" "ya" "lol"
Enoch134 0
you beat her ass m8???
UberFail79 0
Someone needs to lay down the biopower.
JinxTheMagician 0
hahahahaha ur daughter wins!!! :D
PooPooHeadInc 0
she owned you
PooPooHeadInc 0
she owned you
TigerWoods101 0
ya
pooponyuou 0
brat
DuDMadness 0
did you whupping her with a belt?
Lexi_Luvz_Ya 0
Well, that's only to be expected when she's being raped by her mother at home.
megarawrrxd 0
-.-
FishHead 6
yea. If this was my kid (which would be kinda weird because im 16) i would take the phone forever, take her door from her room, and cut the cable to her room plus remove the T.V. and sell them.
qwillis98 20
Time for a good old fashioned ass whoppen!
Cassmoneyyy 15
I would literally take her off the phone plan and then break her phone in half, in front of her.
pandasaresocute 21
Her immaturity cost her mom a possibly high earning job. Kids these days. -sighs-
Mudkipzrule 4
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I really don't know what to say. There's only so much you can do until your children get out of hand.
FarSide 23
I would be in prison for the rest of my life... but my daughter would be in a wheelchair for the rest of hers.
girlygirl666 0
And the "Parent of the year award goes to....."
noshitsherlock 0
WOW. Since it was so ******* important (HELLO, JOB), you should punish her by making her live off of the bare minimum for at least a month - NO CELL PHONE AT ALL, basic shitty food, no new clothes, etc.
onlysoph 0
This. Teach her what it would be like if you could not get a job
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
#54's advice didn't really work on me. My parents would beat the s**t out of me if I acted out or got bad grades many years ago, so I know a little bit about rewards and consequences. I didn't turn out so bad because of that. Sure, I resort to violence and take enjoyment in planning and executing revenge on people, but we're all screwed up somehow, so not a big deal. PS - My parents still beat the s**t out of me, but now I can fight back.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Just going based on my opinion and prior experiences. Obviously, I'm only one of what seems like an infinite amount of test cases, so I can only speak for myself. (Edit - I thought I was being commented on, so Do Not Pass GO! Do not collect $200) It's hard to cite anything for this type of matter, but here's what I can provide - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI
Lythiaren 8
Learning theory doesn't work that way, 54. Teachers exclusively using positive reinforcement and negative punishment in an attempt to get unruly brats to behave often find that method barely effective if it has any affect at all. Positive reinforcement: give desirable stimulus. (eg. extra computer time) Negative reinforcement: take away undesirable stimulus. (eg. free from a chore) Positive punishment: give undesirable stimulus. (eg. scolding) Negative punishment: take away desirable stimulus. (eg. no phone) You need all four, dumbass. Way to ignore a huge chunk of basic learning theory. Go find yourself a cure for Soccer Mom Syndrome.
JRSpaniel 0
Yes. Do this.
lem0n_fml 0
Actually, 99, psychologists have found that punishment in any form is (usually) ineffective. It's all about reinforcements, which are, yes, both negative and positive. Punishment only fixes behavior temporarily and does not establish lasting learning connections.
TheKitsune 0
I think I and many people can disagree. I was punished when I did bad, and boy did I know not to do it again. If it doesn't leave a lasting impression then you're doing it wrong - like not spanking hard enough.
iPirate 0
How about she loses the door on her room now. She can get changed in the bathroom. If she messes up again she sleeps on the floor. Etc. And don't just move the items to storage. Sell them in a garage sale, and use the money for groceries and stuff.
olliec 0
Psychologists are full of shite.
srgsrg 0
you use Youtube to get your information? Last time I checked anyone could post something on there and it be a load of crap.
kiefenator 0
give her natural consequences. for example, if a toddler complains about food, take it away. later they will whine about being hungry, you tell them that they should have ate their food. same for the cellphone.
rickolette 0
if I did that to my mom she would scold me for an hour then hit my butt with a belt until I couldn't feel it. ur daughters a bitch op.
Drummer389000 0
You overlooked the fact that no job = no money and no money = no phone... So psychologically that does say "if you do this, I'll take away this". The fact that she can get it back when she stops keeping her mom from jobs says that "when you do this, I'll reward you with this". Ya dig?
3563560 7
Asshole
IamSpartacus 0
Oh, wow. You gotta teach your daughter that joking around like that is very wrong!
Skull_300 0
Yeah, and here is one way to teach her. You should of beat her a$$ while you were on the phone. Probably would have gotten the job for having a backbone.
isaiaha11 2
#82 thats child abuse
SadinSherman 16
You should ask some friends to come and pretend to arrest you and take you away for a few days and we will she what she does then.
bjdavey 8
I say smash the phone and belt the little shit.
TheKitsune 0
Here's a concept - DISCIPLINE! My parents would have taken away ALL of my stuff, after being spanked and stood in a corner for an hour. That was a horrible abuse and you have a spoiled rotten brat. You have 5 years to fix what took you 13 years to **** up. Good luck.
BeeSkwaird 0
Haha, you just said you spanked your parents :-P
hayoudumbass 0
hahahaha
life2007 0
Agreed...put the fear into that child. My mom has never had to spank me growing up. I'm 22 yrs old and still afraid of her. I know she would've spanked me then and will still kick my ass to this day.
nabzilla 0
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WOW LOL!
BellaMuerte_fml 0
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Your daughter is just awesome. Be proud you spawned such a malicious, witty little girl :D
Shadic 0
Witty? Tactless and spoiled bitch.
noshitsherlock 0
How is that witty? Wit requires intelligence. Yeah, screaming "RAPE" is so witty!
fckaduck 0
Ugh, #8 must be one of them too... Kids these days need a good kick in the face.
iheart 0
and stupid adults who hates kids need a good punch in the nuts
fckaduck 0
Haha, wow...you sound intelligent... Btw, I'm only 19 myself. Also, I don't have nuts. Soo, I guess since neither of of those things apply to me, I can hate kids as much as I want? Cool.
BellaMuerte_fml 0
Okay, my comment keeps disappearing. Using the word 'witty' wasn't the best choice of words, my apologies. I shouldn't try to form coherent sentences at 4am. I'm not a cashier, haha. And fckaduck, I'm one of *them*? Who are them? And, a kick to the face? Someone's a very rational person, eh?
xTwig 10
@ 111And in the balls so they cannot reproduce.
lady_unknown 0
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Like mother like daughter… living by example?!?
kindness 0
good on you for disciplining her. but have you ever tried doing it before? cos she REALLY didn't take it well. generally sign of a spoilt brat. either way, you control your own actions, so your daughter is a little _____. i hope you punished her BIG time. you should probably take that phone off her FOR GOOD. she clearly doesn't deserve it. contact the people, apologise and just tell them your daughter is immature?
couturefab 0
wtf? your daugthers retarded. send her to boarding school.