Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
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Top comments
dannyydanny 0
are you ******* retarded ....
mk58 31
You're supposed to declare your love BEFORE trying to kiss her rather than declaring your love BY kissing her. Now she's going to think you're a creep.
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Comments (267)
BWill9014 4
I was talking to a girl 2 years ago and thought the moment was right to kiss her and I did and she got mad and called me a ****** right after... but then 2 days later she asked me to kiss her and we ended up dating for a year and a half lmao... good times
MrXerxes5 6
OP set himself up for that one. lmao. I Declare you a dumbass
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
has kind of illegal, that stuff only works in movies...
gamerhead 3
sexual harrasment...... panda!
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
haha im watching it right now too. "isnt that facism?" "no because we dont call it facism"
zukinihudini 0
no, you shouldnt have
ActuallyFDH 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Girls are cold as ice the majority of the time. They love to toy with your emotions, then pull the rug right out from under you. But, in their defense too: They know you like them, kind of like you (even tho most WON'T admit it), but they fear what their overly judgmental girlfriends will say, as well as their parents possibly. Women are very analytical and reciprocal . As a married man, I'm casting a few pearls here and revealing a few secrets too.
AZUMIKKEL 3
I feel enlightened.
schmelia 10
Wow, that was a pretty massive generalisation. Sounds like you're feeling bitter about life, ActuallyFDH.
PeachyJinx 7
Hmm.. I disagree
captainbj2 0
Sooo true!
himoonkey 8
I agree dude
becccers 14
Yes because we're all vindictive little hitches. I love causing other people pain. Soon I will be all powerful.
DabegotWorld 5
Way to go dude hope ur not suprized lol try again...
ActuallyFDH 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I give you props for following your emotions. She should have been a little more understanding. I've had girls flirt w/me quite a bit and I've gone right up and kissed the girl I was crushing on before, I know what its like to be there. Girls tend to overreact the majority of the time. I see nothing wrong with what you did, she flipped out being overly dramatic.
schmelia 10
Oh, another generalisation from ActuallyFDH! Although, what do I know. I'm just a woman so I MUST be overreacting.
stepsprecious 4
Sexual assault isn't romantic!