Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
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Top comments
dannyydanny 0
are you ******* retarded ....
mk58 31
You're supposed to declare your love BEFORE trying to kiss her rather than declaring your love BY kissing her. Now she's going to think you're a creep.
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Comments (267)
RyanX92 0
you my friend lack 2 huge things in that admitting a crush step 1 that's ok then you wait for a reaction of good you kiss or you can always try working on the girl with compliments and bullshit like every other guy then make your move
schmelia 10
Punctuation is your friend.
aardvarkish 17
I know how you feel. The same thing happened to me once. Actually four times. But then I got smart...
TheDrifter 24
Wait, do you mean you started doing it right, or that you stocked up on duct tape?
aardvarkish 17
Nice catch...
tucansam555 3
you've never dated a girl have you..
carameldrizzle 0
what sexual harris meant..
aardvarkish 17
Ummm... in this case, the smurf is a little... off...
pasiphae9 5
That's how I got my first kiss, you know. A guy ramming his gob against mine when I least expected it. Needless to say, I made sure I never saw him again. I had been hoping it would be with someone I actually wanted to kiss, or at least someone I had consented to kiss. But alas, I shall forever remember my first kiss as "some dude I was really NOT attracted to grabbing me and trying to play tonsil hockey". Let's hope I don't lose my virginity in a "I liked you and wanted to tell you by surprise sex!(read:rape)" OP- Did you say anything to her first? If so, FYL. If you didn't warn her, and just dived in, then YDI. Maybe the police was crossing the line, but I hope she slapped you really really hard.
locacolloca 0
this isn't a ******* advice column this is to say how retarded the OP is or how their life blows
XxToriwolfxX 0
So this is just people letting off steam towards some anonymous person? I think opinions are allowed in these FML comments.
olpally 33
thats just creepy on all levels.. at least give her a warning... u fail at life... lol
AmandaDestroys 0
oh my, sucks ass to be you!
fitted5 0
I'm guessin she doesn't feel the same way about you
Pigpen181 3
What did you expect? Mom was going to just stand there while you planted one on her 12 yr old daughter?