Today, I awoke to a strange feeling on my feet. It felt like a tongue, so at first thought it was the dog, but we don't have one. I looked down and it was my roommate. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML
Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML
Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Unwanted contact. That's a fight and a 911 call after the beat down. Damn creeps.
Jon Tessler 14
you mean ex roommate don't you
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Comments (7)
cuz803 46
Unwanted contact. That's a fight and a 911 call after the beat down. Damn creeps.
RichardPencil 32
Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Your roommate deserves a belly rub.
Jon Tessler 14
you mean ex roommate don't you
Warp1978 15
Now, one kick in the mouth, two call the police three gtfo.
legalgravethief 8
Put the law down, charge £/$ 50 for 10mins, make some money from this lol
RichardPencil 32
Shouldn't the roommate be making the money? I thought foot-lickees had to pay foot-lickers, but since the foot-licking page has been removed from Craigslist, I'm not sure of the market dynamics.
Brightside86 31
Roommates probably a cat.
protoskore 27
I hope the shock made you kick his (?) nose really hard