Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
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Top comments
dannyydanny 0
are you ******* retarded ....
mk58 31
You're supposed to declare your love BEFORE trying to kiss her rather than declaring your love BY kissing her. Now she's going to think you're a creep.
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Comments (267)
MurphyS94 4
YDI it for doing that. But that was kind of a bitch mood on her part if she knew him. If one of my guy friends did that to me, I would have slapped him but I think the sexual harassment suit took it a bit far.
cestrian 2
You're a ******* idiot.
thebadmanpuntedb 7
I can hear the facepalm through my computer.
Niki0308 0
Why did you think this was a good IDE?
tpike1296 11
Don't use SATA, SSD eSATA FTW!
awardZu 0
Sexual assult, the one true way to a woman's heart! I cannot say YDI strongly enough, you dumbass. I hope she pepper sprays you next time she sees you.
conmanusmc 0
take it like a man then slap her back
schmelia 10
Yes, I always like my sexual assault with a side of good old physical assault. What a pair.
XxToriwolfxX 0
Don't forget rape, robbery, murder and necrophilia! They are so natural together, like babies being mulched, ground into a paste, shoved into tubes and sent all over the world to clean teeth!
Gloritank 8
Even though movies say that's ok, it's not.
johnson94 5
don't be too discouraged, she's probably just into that kinky sort of stuff. get right back on that horse and remember your safe word!
nitemare0 17
dude, even you make it sound creepy
camo97 0
Some women don't understand the gravity of their words and actions which can totally send the wrong message. At least you had the balls to follow your heart.
XxToriwolfxX 0
Follow his heart where? Straight into his bed? You can't pull shit like this in real life, go play some ******* fantasy dating games FFS.
OCDC 9
More like OP had the heart to follow his balls.