Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML
Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML
Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, as I hadn’t showered yet, I told my boyfriend not to go down on me in case it smelled "down there." We started kissing instead, but he made a "blech" face, then went down on me anyway. Apparently my morning breath was worse than unwashed crotch. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
VoteForTaco 8
That stinks. (Here comes the thumbs down...have mercy)
savemycookie 0
Time someone bought some toothpaste and mouthwash...
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Comments (163)
savemycookie 0
Time someone bought some toothpaste and mouthwash...
rexgar2000 10
is your breath that bad guy? what 1 said, you need some mouthwash in your life!
Brice28_fml 10
You need some gum! At least that's what the tv tells me!
cj7geojeep 0
Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbitz
Llamassss 21
Flossing is the best way to get rid of bad breath. Brush, floss, mouthwash.
Mendara_fml 0
The rough part is needing to make sure she likes the smell of whatever you're brushing with! My ex had bad breath but I swear his toothpaste was almost as yuck.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Don't be surprised if your only present from her is a box of toothpaste.
great_cornholio 0
Dude, you need a Tic-Tac.
BayleeWasHere 1
Who? You.
lpf061472 5
能给翻译下么
crazychick1269 7
and that's when you leave in go play some video games
crazychick1269 7
and*
yumlicious 4
Or brush your teeth.
DrDilllonReese 12
107- always doing things the hard way...
yumlicious 4
Because you know...a learned process that you've been doing for your entire life is difficult.
newlove_fml 0
Video games don't solve everything, and in this situation, it would just be running away from a problem. However, really sitting down and reasoning through a problem has proven successful many times before. Just some helpful advice.
crazychick1269 7
ok so you're saying they should sit down and have a long detailed discussion about his bad breath where instead he could leave and make her WANT him?
newlove_fml 0
Yes, she's really going to lust for a man with bad breath. All that delicious stench, just yummy. No. What I'm saying is, he's got bad breath, and he's probably the proud owner of a toothbrush. I think you can do the math?
DrDilllonReese 12
It isn't cheating, it's just bad breath. A problem, yes. Certainly no international crisis. Let's calm it down a bit.
Erto 17
Or maybe time to brush your teeth
deadbabies 0
Someone needs the freshmaker Doo doo doo doo do-do, do-whaa
elidine 0
You ever seen poontos? It's on YouTube. It's for stinky snatches.
jackassiddy 8
Indeed so #3.. so pop a mentos and redo that comment. Doo doo doo do-whaa
marpay 11
77- I prefer the whomba.
VoteForTaco 8
That stinks. (Here comes the thumbs down...have mercy)
XxNINJA_28xX 8
The psychological comment that gives you thumbs up #ftw
kourtney23 2
Lol no pun intended!
Justin23L 2
No, the pun was intended.
ninjuh_wingman 29
You should probably brush your teeth then. Or at least use mouthwash.
bitchslapped22 14
Since when is mouthwash a substitute for brushing your teeth?
ihasbrains 10
It isn't, but some people are too lazy to brush their teeth.
mk58 31
Oh, so onion breath doesn't turn people on?!?!
D37H100 5
I guess not... Didnt get the memo on that.
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Not as much as garlic breath.
mk58 31
*puts garlic on grocery list*
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Lmao^^^ *shoves garlic in mouth*
afulks78 11
Ouch. Sorry op, You need mouthwash :)
rexgar2000 10
lol you sounded so nice and polite. We need to get you angry!
baseballplaya5 7
There's a great new invention out! It's called a toothbrush.
markrs 0
No. The toothbrush is a pretty old invention. That's why he probably never heard of it. But they have these new strips that dissolve in your mouth to make it smell fresh! Deceive her with those OP
desireev 18
Lmao That just made my day!! Haha
Meowingtons500 18
Time to find a new girlfriend OP. Perhaps one with a high halitosis tolerance. :)
Torva_fml 16
No. Maybe op should just start cleaning his mouth more? It's not her fault his mouth stinks like shit.
Torva_fml 16
The answer isn't Always a break up, She was simply being blunt. That's essentially what I meant above,
kareltje 17
Well, if it's really that bad, YDI :D Go clean up.
lpf061472 5
what dose YDI means?