Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML
Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML
Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, as I hadn’t showered yet, I told my boyfriend not to go down on me in case it smelled "down there." We started kissing instead, but he made a "blech" face, then went down on me anyway. Apparently my morning breath was worse than unwashed crotch. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
VoteForTaco 8
That stinks. (Here comes the thumbs down...have mercy)
savemycookie 0
Time someone bought some toothpaste and mouthwash...
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Comments (163)
Riley97 0
Oh please! You know she loves onion breath!
Torva_fml 16
Who said anything about onions?
Heeeerroin 5
Start kissing her and breathe INTO her. Kinky shit.
Heeeerroin 5
Touché
WeAreScrewed 3
YDI for having bad breath. Just kidding, FYL. But like someone mentioned earlier, time to hit the Xbox. Atleast that won't tell you to f*ck off, unless you get the RROD, then you're ****** you fat c00nt.
cosmosis 12
Your comment is brill... Just kidding you slack "c00nt".
uprising_fml 0
she didn't tell him to **** off, she told him his breath stinks . don't be such a baby . all he needs is minty gum . I hate people who sensor **** . **** !
Maxine17 8
Gum.
cj7geojeep 0
Maybe onion rings and garlic fries before your date was a bad idea?? Or perhaps you could try cleaning your tongue or flossing...F HER life for having to sum up the balls to tell you that you stink, before she gagged to death.
cannibal_kitty 4
Ummm wow. I think she's trying to tell you something....
donnie111 12
Thats where u say "better than smelling yours" thumbs down everyone
Torva_fml 16
You're right, we are thumbing you down! Next time save yourself the couple seconds, and NOT post a dumb comment. :)
perdix 31
Looks like you should go south. Er, I mean, Southern girls tend to be a little more tolerant of a guy with sketchy breath. What do you think I meant?
desireev 18
Lol that was a good one perdix! You just got my thumbs up!! Very funny and not hateful! Bravo!
every1luvsboners 11
Perdix, you have a clinger. She seems to be somewhere between stage 2 to 3. Good luck.
flockz 20
jump in this pile of shit perdix, she might have your scent.
perdix 31
Thanks, D, I hoped you'd come around. ;) Guys, who says that I DON'T want to be stalked? I provide prospective stalkers with a detailed schedule of my comings and goings, and I stock the tree outside my bedroom window with nutritious snacks. 9:30 PM Tonight -- Naked Zumba. Eye-gougingly disturbing to normal people, but irresistibly erotic to my fans.
desireev 18
46 and 51- that's not nice guys! I was actually commending perdix on the comment. And now that I'm not getting upset about his comment, I'm a stalker? I mean c'mon guys!! Y'all can come up with something better than that! Btw perdix.. I am loving the arrangement of your living room furniture! ;D Haha
rubberduckie94 13
Southern girls as a general rule tend to be a little more tolerant of most things. Just dont get us mad because we dont mind throwing down.
perdix 31
Thanks, D, the Feng Shui Master cost me a fortune, but I think it's worth it. Are you going to make it at 9:30? I'll be rocking Pitbull, Taio Cruz and Shakira. There will be apple slices and whole-grain snickerdoodles in the tree. Come early to secure a good branch :D
Blueglasscup 18
Is it bad that when I saw "snickerdoodles" I immediately thought you were referencing Snickerdoodles from Fml?
perdix 31
No, 109, it means you're paying attention ;)
desireev 18
Well hell ya I'm gonna be there! Snickerdoodles are my favorite! You say 9:30? A little past my bedtime.. Buuuuut I'll have to make it cause I don't know if I'm diggin' the bedroom arrangement.. :P
desireev 18
Perdix- did you see that all these people gave me thumbs down for making a nice comment? :[ That was my sad face.
perdix 31
Don't worry, D, I appreciate the sentiment. :$10^6 That's my million dollar smiley face.
desireev 18
Lol it was a good one! Be my FML buddy? Haha
perdix 31
OK ;)
flipnazn 1
Brush your teeth then.
Liimitless 6
I don't blame her to be honest
yourlifesfucked 0
Nice pic! Looking forward to the winter classic?
Liimitless 6
I'm so pumped!
yourlifesfucked 0
Ill be cheering for the Rangers. I don't quite like the Flyers but hockey is hockey. Ought to be a good game seeing as how the 2 teams are so close in the standings.
desireev 18
Okay! Okay! I get it now! Lol Do you not see the blonde in my hair? You had a face-palm moment... I had a head-in-the-clouds moment... Forgive me for the mental clumsiness..