Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife says she's not hiding money from me but I checked our joint bank account, which I no longer use, and find she's been transferring money in-and-out of 3 accounts, while taking money from me and getting payday loans to cover it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife somehow found out that my "surprise bonus" from earlier this year was actually hush money from my boss to keep quiet about her affair. Rather than let a good thing alone, she threw a fit and called my boss's husband. Now I'm jobless, and my boss has sworn I'll never work in my industry again. FML
Today, my yearly bonus finally hit my bank account while I was busy at work. Hurrah! Unfortunately, I'm married, so by the time I got a second of free time to check my phone, my email was full of my wife's online shopping receipts, including a non-refundable cruise. I wish we could save money… FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years-old. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
Today, my brat daughter got pissed that I didn't spend "enough" money on her Sweet Sixteen party. She threw a tantrum and told my husband about my affair. FML
Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MsSoulReaper 27
Your wife must not trust you :/ Sorry OP
blcksocks 19
You work 24/7? When do you poop?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
alera_fml 12
she could be feeling neglected and that's why she is jumping to conclusions. Show her the present and she will prob apologize. Maybe take some time off if you can to show her you still love her.
KiddNYC1O 22
Bitches be tripping.
redmane 21
111- Paranoid people get married all the time. Paranoia isn't everything that the person is; people have personalities and sweetnesses about them that has nothing to do with paranoia. Unless it drives you to complete mental instability. If he married her, paranoia must not have been so prevalent in the beginning. I don't think OP's wife should jump to conclusions.
psych10 4
You work 24/7? When do you sleep? Jk man that sucks
hateevryone 15
She should appreciate the gift.
flyingfox408 0
You work 24/7 and she thinks you're having an affair? I have bad news for you.
luvscomplic8ed 6
She just bein paranoid sorry op
mercsl65 7
sell your house, move into an apartment, and work less. then she won't be insecure because youll be home more!
newmandotcom 6
I doubt you work 24/7. You deserve it for thinking we are stupid enough to believe that you work 168 hours a week.
bookbabe68 1
#133, 24/7 is a figure of speech. it means someone does something a lot of the time
False_Stupidity 42
Show her the gift to shut her up but then take it back to teach her a lesson