Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years-old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Irony level: High
Today, my wife refuses to let me play my Xbox, except at the weekends, because it’s "a childish waste of time" and "we need to spend more time together", yet when we’re together she has no problem spending hours on games on her phone. No, she does not see the irony in this either. FML
Mixed messages
Today, I learned that my wife lets our son play video games while I'm at work to "keep him out of her hair." We had agreed that he was forbidden from gaming until his grades came up, but apparently she can't be bothered to actually parent. FML
Modern bonding
Today, my wife is mad at me because she claims I don’t spend any time bonding with her son. It’s as though she refuses to understand that just because we are in different rooms, on separate PlayStations, doesn’t mean we’re not playing the same game, and talking through headphones for hours at a time. FML
Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Mind reader
Today, my wife bitched me out 3 times in a row, for things that were not even my fault: for turning my Xbox on, even though I only nudged the button accidentally with my toe; opening a beer when it was actually a Pepsi for our son, and walking loudly when I "know she has a headache," which I didn’t. FML
Today, I found out that my 43 year-old wife has been having a cyber relationship with a 14 year-old kid on Halo. FML
Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
Time to bail
Today, my girlfriend likes playing games on her phone more than she likes me. FML
Gamers rise up
Today, my girlfriend destroyed my Xbox, because somewhere in her psycho brain she actually thought it would get me to pay more attention to her, even though I only play 3 hours on a Sunday. Joke's on her, I bought a new one, she’s back on the streets, and I play it a whole lot more now. FML
Shady dealings
Today, my wife says she's not hiding money from me but I checked our joint bank account, which I no longer use, and find she's been transferring money in-and-out of 3 accounts, while taking money from me and getting payday loans to cover it. FML
Top comments
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Did she also make a sex rewards chart?
UberNova 18
**** her, she doesn't own you. Do what you want.
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Comments (162)
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Did she also make a sex rewards chart?
HKCgrimmjow 15
Sounds like the same woman eh. Maybe it's just a fad right now to have husbands on leashes! I can gladly say I've come up with some cunning plans to save myself from those. I wish you all the best of luck fellow men.
Odis12 11
There is such a way to solve all of this. You don't need to order it online or go to a doctor for it. It's called balls. Balls allow you to tell a woman how your life is going to be lived and how she isn't going to control every second of it. Balls, coming to a sack near you! (hopefully)
junkman6 22
I'm seriously wondering if one of those magazines like Vogue or whatever had a special article about making charts. Last night during the football game a married friend of mine was talking about his wife trying something like this with his football watching time.
boating_guy 33
I think she moved past the sex rewards and onto this one. It doesn't just require helping around the house, but to do favors and here's the kicker...GIVE HER MONEY?! Pardon me if I don't understand, but what the hell kind of marriage is that where the wife is trying to take money from her husband...especially by attempting to control him like that? Buy his free time to play video games? If I had a wife that said that, I'd just look at her and say, Are you ******* kidding me? What ever happened to relationships and marriages where two people could be companions, love each other, and WANT to enjoy each other's company and spend the rest of their lives together...
cryssycakesx3 23
if I were to be a psychotic controlling **** enough to try to do this I'd hope my boyfriend would have enough balls to challenge it. Sorry OP, not that your girlfriend put you on a reward system, but that you're pussy enough to let her train you like a good little puppy.
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
52- I just really don't understand the her wanting OP to pay her part. Unless they have two sperate bank accounts, OP's money should be his wife's money.
MrsDruidess 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe OP is a lazy ass who doesn't do anything but play games? Obviously its an issue in their marriage and maybe Mrs.OP has tried everything else. It could be that OP's idea of "favors" is house work, and maybe he doesn't have a job so he has to earn money to play? I don't know why men that sit around playing video games non stop get all pissed off when their women get sick of picking up the slack and spending their lives basically alone! GROW UP! adulthood takes time and effort! If you want to be a slack off gamer, marry another slack off gamer! And you women! Marring these grown children and getting pissed that they never grow up!!?? You allowed this by putting up with it in the first place! You can't change them, marry a man that you are willing to put up with just the way he is, cause thats exactly what you get! youre both idiots!!
Goblin182 27
#24 Cunning plans or cunniligus plans? Either would work.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Excuse me 129, but where in the name of almighty **** does the FML say that the OP doesn't work and spends all of his time gaming?
crymore007 11
@159 so can you explain why she needs him to give her money to gain gaming points? That part didn't seem to be covered very well in your brilliant insight.
xx000o 27
#32, One of the problems with our society today is Political correctness. It leaves an individual (usually male) spinning, not knowing what, when, or where to do or say without the female labeling said behavior as inappropriate. Also a woman can go online and purchase a set of balls.
MateRicks 18
No it shouldn't. @139
Brightbulb 40
It was in 5 straight issues of Cosmo. I and my bf cracked up about it, I didn't realize people actually did that crap. Wow
AquaBaby 11
@177, 159 is assuming that OP and his wife have issues that led to the gaming chart system. Essentially he thought for things to get that drastic, OP might be slacking in responsibility and the wife is trying to train him or make him do things for her, like a mother would, because OP hasn't quite grown up yet.
metalwolf 17
139- My girlfriend already have an understanding that we are going to have separate accounts. I have two different accounts for myself, one for bills, one for "free spending". It is a lot easier to do that than to wonder if that 150 dollar balance in my account is because i have 150 left or if one of the bills hasnt been taken out yet. We also have an understanding that as long as we can afford it, and it is within reason, we wont comment on each others hobby spending.
Redoxx_fml 22
Guessing the sex rewards didn't work out for her?
Zimmington 21
He just wasn't unlocking enough achievements.
Bloink 25
That's exactly what I was thinking
JesterJosh 5
No.matter which one it is these aren't men, they're little boys. If you want to do something be a man and do it! What's this chart bullshit?! And women if your man is being a little bitch and doesn't do anything then don't make a damn chart! Put your foot down and tell him what needs to get done. Husbands and wives need to have respect for one another. Sick of reading all this bullshit.
kjack49044 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Xbox? Pssh, everyone knows it's PS4 nowadays...
Redoxx_fml 22
Maybe for him XBox is best box
kissifur82 2
Maybe he's paying more attention to the wrong box.
Kamon97 23
Wii U :D
cyanidesandwich 21
3 has a point here, I went to NYC the other day and when I went to that big, multi floored Toys R Us there were two racks set up, one for PS4, the other for Xbox One. The PS4 rack was completely emptied out, the Xbox One rack was missing for or 5 boxes but was otherwise full. That shows, at least to me, that the PS4 is more favorable than the Xbox One.
cyanidesandwich 21
Gah, four or five boxes* that's what I get for typing half asleep....
TheDoctor10 28
I like how the correction gets more thumbs up than the original comment.
DKjazz 20
No, no, no. This is FML. No console wars here, please.
Michael_92 20
Yea if you can find one. I searched for HOURS driving around. I was actually trying to find a PS Vita and asked the guy jokingly if he had any hidden and they had one. Now it sits on my entertainment stand doing nothing :(
184886837272837 32
everyone's debating Xbox vs PlayStation and I'm just laughing while playing on my PC
parism143 28
106, PC master race dominates all.
blaherman 12
Multi system race dominates every pc owner.
Vlen_fml 20
no, that's called number of units in the US. in the first year the US gets 3 times as many Xbox consoles compared to their Playstation counterpart due to localization and demand (the reverse is true for Japan).
CobraLazerFace 21
On god, what's in the box?!
Deaths_Wife 11
Why does this remind me of a certain sex chart ?
djkazic 5
I believe the bandwagon departed a while ago.
meepmerp 20
This was posted 1 minute after #1's comment...
Missyeru 14
I wish I could play xbox games with my phone! Is that the android from the future?!
karlcolt45 19
it would probably be a windows phone. Microsoft for Microsoft ya know?
scooterdude720 19
Xbox smartglass is close enough.
djkazic 5
I think I saw a video of them streaming games to a windows phone; they might not be far off.
AngieeRebecca 10
windows phone :3 but only some games trust me it's the best
thief1434 23
Is that a DBZ reference I see there?!
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
I love how all of us immediately remembered that FML. Lol.
UberNova 18
**** her, she doesn't own you. Do what you want.
Bumblebrea99 14
As long as you keep your clothes on...
bigtaytay 13
For real. OP needs to grow a pair
synsam 4
sounds like a great wife. by marriage he chose to waste life, he won't be having any late nights gaming and playing fake fights, in his world this just ain't right but maybe he can sleep tight and dream that this isn't a f his life.
MrBoredomioo 18
#7, I doubt he will **** her, she probably also has sex rewards.
RedPillSucks 33
Earn gaming time? Unless the gaming system is under a lock and key that only she knows, why the hell is she limiting your time? You are an adult, right?
Zimmington 21
Op IS the Xbox based on how his wife goes about controlling him
flashback_fml 14
Whipped
calypso1212 14
If you let your wife treat you that way then YDI.