Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
guitarbeast 22
Well at least you can arrest that bastard who was sleeping with your wife… or your wife
windfuelsfire 10
I bet that called up a lot of emotions at once.. FYL OP
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (129)
windfuelsfire 10
I bet that called up a lot of emotions at once.. FYL OP
lilhellian 27
36 That's a thread jack. 1 Police officers are trained try and remain unemtional while on the job. But you can bet all hell broke loose after work.
justonecomment 2
40 - so ******* what. Shut the hell up and eat a dick!
Yodaevil 4
Crime of passion. Shoot the both of the, claim CoP and have a cold beer knowing the cheating ***** is burning in hell. No amount of training should be enough to be able to deal with that.
Grimmerie 31
Wow 54, chill your ****
Neonemerld 21
Not at all, actually. It's directly related to 1's post. If anyone's the thread jacker here, it's you for trying to cry thread jacker.
james2398 6
Wait I new and all but what thread jacker
BigScott 13
You do realize that it's highly unlikely that #36 was saying that #1 had good self control, right?
NagainaFier 16
You mean 36 couldn't possibly be expanding on 1's commentary of several of emotions coming into play, and stating OP has good self control? No, no, clearly you're right and the two are completely unrelated.
Unibear 1
Dude, that really sucks. Move on with someone else.
Codezlol 21
Oh is it now? I beg to differ. Actually the fact that he's married and being faithful and trusting is in a vow is all the more reason to get a divorce. Just because someone is bonded by some legal documents that doesn't mean they are safe from a divorce for committing adultery.
ManInTheMachine 20
Codezlol: Nobody said he is "safe from a divorce", I think you're reading a little too much into the comment. They were just saying it's going to be more difficult than "just moving on", as there will be money, property and--inevitably--emotions involved, whereas in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, you can just say "we should see other people", get up and walk out.That's all they were saying
bethrocksya 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
30-- your obviously too young and unexperienced in commitments....
ManInTheMachine 20
41-Did you read his profile? He's OLDER than you. Also, 'unexperienced'? Are you serious?
Codezlol 21
Yeah I just failed at reading the comment correctly. My bad!
gracehi 33
Also, 41, it's *you're not your. Way to call the kettle black, pot.
Neonemerld 21
Actually, he's right. Adultery is often grounds to get a divorce. Maybe you should do a little more research before you call someone else inexperienced. ;)
Unibear 1
I never looked at it that way 11. I never wanted arguments to evolve from my comment haha
truth_spitta 0
93, nobody ever said the OP doesn't have grounds for divorce, they were just simply saying they can't get up and leave and say "nice knowing you". Try re-reading maybe?
Neonemerld 21
108, my comment was implied towards 41's reply to 30. 30 said that he had plenty of reason to get a divorce. 42 replied that 30 was "too young" and 'inexperienced with commitments', thus implying she thought that 30 was wrong, and that OP doesn't have grounds for divorce. My comment was perfectly reasonable.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Too many numbers!!
guitarbeast 22
Well at least you can arrest that bastard who was sleeping with your wife… or your wife
FirstTigerHobbes 13
Why not both?
gracehi 33
Yes! Throw them both in jail! "He hit me!" "You, sir, are coming with me. Lets take a trip downtown." "Oh, thank you!" "You're coming too, ma'am." "What? Why?" "I'll think of a reason on the way."
gc327072 31
As the little girl on the El Paso taco commercial so famously asked, "porque no los dos?"
mongoose313 2
^win comment!
kriz_allizwell 6
How many of us can go bad cop on the other guy,huh? This is chtulu opening a window, when he closes a door.
imaginaryvoice 18
Ex-wife*?
countryrose92 23
Damn straight. Lol, they both deserve to be arrested, him for hitting her and her for cheating.
Neonemerld 21
But last time I checked, cheating isn't illegal. Just stupid.
toooldforthis 19
Well in florida,moms usually get custody of children but if you commit adultery the you could lose primary custody of your kids. Maybe that's true in other states too? Idk if op has kids though
magda1cycu 2
Time for a divorce
miz_kamakazi 11
Wow, that's just wrong. At least you found out she is an ungrateful, cheating b****. Kick her out of the house, she wanted that other guy, now let her deal with the consequences.
stephan18 23
Seriously, what a.. Cheats on husband and gets beat, I'd say that's fair, I think some police brutality wouldn't hurt in this case too ;)
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Violence isn't the answer, hurting her won't make him feel better. OP is probably feeling betrayed, heartbroken, angry and embarrassed :( Besides, Karma and his wife's bad decisions biting her in the ass later will be punishment enough :D
HungerGames95 13
Amen.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
That's terrible. I'm really sorry. Don't take her back!
Danieljta 3
That has to be the craziest way to find out a spouse is cheating I've heard yet..
mrFTW 3
****** up. At least you found out sooner rather than later!
dragonfuego 11
How do you know it was sooner than later, unless it was you screwing his wife. Never mind. I see from your photo it most likely wasn't you.
letmehavemytea 21
Good job being a dick, 71.
xNephilim 19
I don't know about that one... For all we know, she could've been cheating for years and years. Once married, you kind of entered into the domain of "later".
JoNightnurse 2
Proof for your divorce!! She won't be able to contest it at all. Still sucks though, did your gun accidentally misfire and graze his ass!
evilplatypus 39
10 - Alberta has "no fault" divorce. No one has to "prove" anything and even if she was the one causing the issues, it won't affect the division of property, custody, etc.
TheDrifter 24
Translation, OP is screwed. Alberta law entitles the lower income earner to the primary residence and alimony in the divorce, regardless of gender out wrongdoing.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Well... Let's just hope the (ex)wife makes more money then!
Axipiter 24
Disregard this. Replied to the wrong comment.
Vimy 6
Wowowow I never knew this, 56. That is rather unfair.
copo37 7
As much as that sucks I hope you didn't get into an altercation. If you all got in a fight because of emotions I see a possible loss of job or lawsuit.
S182 15
Since it was a domestic violence call, let's just hope the two beat the shit out of each other... Win-Win
ManInTheMachine 20
DrFrince: Actually, it was a domestic *disturbance* call. The neighbors could just be complaining about the noise. If you know what I mean... ...Or not. 'terribly wrong' could mean a number of things. Maybe he couldn't take off the handcuffs from the headboard?