Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML
Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML
Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML
Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML
Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML
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Top comments
ALittleBitCrazy 0
Nice puppy you have
Conkers 0
Maybe she's telling you that you should use your room as a toilet so you don't have to be away from her? Just a thought.
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Comments (102)
LatinoHeat 0
YDI for leaving your doggie alone to go to the bathroom and pursuing your Clay Aiken sexual fantasy!
Qup 0
I never heard a better reason to crate train your dog!
tony8pie 0
Puppies are dumb!
grimmelok 0
Most likely wouldn't have happened if you had a cat. They are much cleaner, quieter, and pleasant to touch.
inu_fml 0
what? ive never had a cat, but ive heard how mean they can be.
PaigeCPony 0
I bet your home smells like cat piss.
crampy 0
F your life so not crating your dog, if it can't handle being left alone, then you should protect him from himself.
lalap_fml 0
And that is why I love cats...! =P
AndelleRae 9
Yeah, because cats don't throw up all over the carpet or shit behind the tv or anything like that, ever. :-p Having an animal is hard work. OP, it sucks that you've got "potty paw prints" (which I thought was adorable wording, by the way) on your bed, but now you know not to leave an untrained puppy alone, even for a minute.
idrivefast 0
I don't know why people are saying it's your fault for not training your "new" puppy in a day. It takes time. The first day I brought my puppy home, he run into the living room and took a shit on the mat after having him outside to pee first. Puppies do those kinds of things, you don't have to be glued at the hip and have them with you at all times.
persiancutie 0
duuuuuuuude FML for spending to much time moderating fml's i moderated most of these fml's on heree haha whats the big deal? just wash ur bed sheets
sarah2144 14
Lol. Your puppy owned you. And yeah, you probably shouldn't let her sleep in your bed until she stops peeing in the house. But... at least your dog loves you! :) And in response to the "not an FML" thing, I think it's mostly that the OP now has to wash her bedsheets. In the middle of the night. Because she took a minute to go to the bathroom. But it's a puppy. You can't get mad at a puppy.
djh1996 0
" in the 60 seconds it took for me to pee, and wash my hands"....you didn't flush?!?!?!....thats prob why the puppy did all that stuff to your room...BECAUSE YOU DIDNT FLUSH...YDI for not flushing