Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML
Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML
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Top comments
routerere 10
Ok, so you drank some pee. Let's break this down. Good News: Doctors used to taste the flavor of their patients urine back in the day to diagnose them. They even had a urine flavor wheel. So guess who just got a free vet visit? Bad news: Not you, since the diagnoses drawn from urine flavor are pretty inaccurate. All except if it's sweet, then it's pretty likely that your dog has diabetes. Also, you just drank dog pee.
RichardPencil 32
I’ll bet urine a state of shock!
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Comments (30)
Sinshine 28
Train your dog.
RichardPencil 32
I’ll bet urine a state of shock!
Takegami 22
At least now you have an excuse to say “this tastes like god piss”
routerere 10
Ok, so you drank some pee. Let's break this down. Good News: Doctors used to taste the flavor of their patients urine back in the day to diagnose them. They even had a urine flavor wheel. So guess who just got a free vet visit? Bad news: Not you, since the diagnoses drawn from urine flavor are pretty inaccurate. All except if it's sweet, then it's pretty likely that your dog has diabetes. Also, you just drank dog pee.
Glowworm56 27
I'm guessing it wasn't peelicious.
RichardPencil 32
Because they are warm and cuddly, and in my long life, a dog has never peed in the bed.
WHS_Kitty 8
Why isn’t he housebroken?
Lobby_Bee 18
That explains why he jumped off the bed, to get away from the crime scene as fast as possible.
dexter420 21
Sweet dreams
Dave_Davington 34
Are made of pee.
jkjorn 18
I gave you a like for that, because who am I to disagree?
LAUGHINGKOMODO 25
So, what it taste like?