Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML
Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML
Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML
Today, I went searching for my cat who'd escaped. Of course, I searched the entire building and somehow she'd got back in through my front door of my apartment. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
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Top comments
andrew_thomson 9
your dog wins.
ImaWiseGuy 5
I just have to spark a blunt and my dog pops up like David Blaine.....
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Comments (70)
andrew_thomson 9
your dog wins.
snade 0
what did your dog eat under your bed that made her throw up?
L3Paparazzo 7
your dog has a sense of humor
staceysgenesis16 0
haha , ur dog is a winner !! lolol
megastupid 0
don't look under the bed
ImaWiseGuy 5
I just have to spark a blunt and my dog pops up like David Blaine.....
MasterE56 4
I just have to snort some coke and he pops up like Cris Angel..
PassTheDutch 0
I just have to sip on some cough syrup and he pops up like Lil Wayne.
JakeLee 6
I just have to vacuum my Captain Crunch and he makes noises like a purple giraffe.
notsocrazee 0
32 you fail.
Primo_Loco 0
lol @ 33 with a thumbs up xD
TokinUp 6
I just have to toke up and my dog becomes reeeaaaallllyyyy soft
awesomeloser14 0
I just have to get out the coke and she pops up like Paris Hilton on steroids. ^.^
krazyvato 0
you deserve that so badly btw I'm lil Wayne I know wsp
Garyy_fml 11
Crackhead alert ^
ciarafox9 9
dogs really are mans best friend....
boygeorgebaby 0
you: 0 dog:1 just kidding op. that is totally something my dog would do! at least you found your dog though! but check under te bed, he or he may have been eating something gross under there....
Livinia 11
bitch.
iLazy 0
The next time he does that BEAT IT UP. Show him who's the boss. If he bites back, put him down.
JakeLee 6
I'd hate to be your child then.
ugliness 6
I'd hate to be in the same room as him O.o, I'd recommend therapy before he gets arrested for animal cruelty and probably domestic abuse but if he's a troll ololololol you got us good... I hope e_o
LoveTheObsession 5
8 I just hate you. How could you hurt a cute little puppy?!
Pinkgal123 24
Yes how could you hurt a cute little, vomit creating puppy?
MasterE56 4
how do you know it's a girl dog?
cobras40 0
Don't leave your used tampons and condoms under your bed and next time she won't eat them and puke on you.
danz123 7
I'm just picturing an episode of family guy with Brian doing this to Peter...
ChantelRenaeee 0
WIN