Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML
Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML
Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML
Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
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Top comments
mclauren29 22
Just stay outside with your dog, sounds much cleaner.
lajaynay 15
When my Corgi was a puppy, I'd stay outside with him until he did his business. Walking them rather than just letting them play tends to get it done quicker. After the fourth time though, you deserved it.
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Comments (85)
PantyGAMES 10
I think the dog may be trying to send you a message.
fuzz97 23
I can't imagine what that message might be. Unless maybe you think it's something like "I don't like ******** outside."
Futacy 30
The message is that he hates your fugly ass carpet and he wants you to change it or else he'll continue to **** it up.
IdaE 17
43, that's a little bit harsh don't you think??
Futacy 30
44– I've seen harsher
SirEskimo 13
44- Don't **** with Futacy. One can only IMAGINE the shit he's seen. Your nightmares? He's living those. Next time, think before you question him.
IdaE 17
50. Haha, your profile pic totally matched with your comment! :)
mclauren29 22
Just stay outside with your dog, sounds much cleaner.
hurtandabused 7
Some dogs, especially puppy's, won't go until they smell a trace of a dog having gone before them. Try placing a puppy pad in the yard
oj101 33
It's a shitty situation isn't it?
lilhellian 27
It's and over used joke isn't it
Futacy 30
23- really? you must be new here, we don't take kindly to horrible cliche puns.
Discombobulated9 12
Well, 10 minutes isn't nearly long enough. OP needs to stay outside for as long as possible (even if it takes up to an hour) and praise the puppy like crazy when it finally does its business outside. OP you need to have a little more patience; puppy doesn't know diddly squat until you guide it. Best of luck.
sk8_king 23
well thats shitty...
mfischer 17
Even though they're overused, a good shit pun can still be hilarious. This, on the other hand, is just shit.
NanillaVipples 2
Should've gone with "what a bitch"
iamabamf 17
No they shouldn't have.
fuzz97 23
Should have just not made a pun.
Larawk 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You should teach it to pick/clean up its own shit. Don't take shit from anybody. ;) lol
machetegonzales 3
Anything u mean as anybody refeers to a person
Marrach 7
10- it's *refer. And no. A dog/puppy is still an "anybody" , whether you get a response or not determinds if you should even use it for an animal. What if I called you a thing?
mfischer 17
Honestly, after the first time I would have made the puppy stay on the porch or in the yard.
mariesexxxface 13
Can't really blame the puppy for having diarrhea. Obviously it's sick and needs to be seen by a vet. There's numerous intestinal parasites puppies pick up, clearly there's a problem here.
devinawitt 8
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I'm an idiot. Fool me four times, it's an FML.
raraisbang 12
52, not necessarily. When puppies first move to a new home, it can be quite normal for them to have loose/bloody stool for the first few days due to high stress from being separated from mother and relocated to an unfamiliar place.
loloalltheway 23
Well it is a puppy ... I think it will go over after a while :)
JuliannVo 11
I agree. ^^ the puppy is still young.
dawns143 2
Don't take her out to potty and let her play u have to teach her or him and use the same words like "go potty" and tell her or him he's a good dog after they use the bathroom outside...or here's a thought read how to house train a puppy
cajekraze 7
Exactly right. You're rug may suffer a little, but wait until you can catch pup about to go, then immediately move to your desired potty location. Once pup does what it needs to repeat the command praisingly and give a small treat. This method is the quickest way to potty train
Awesome58422599 19
The way I always train my dogs is too leave them in a cage (a biggish one) for about a week or two. a dog wont shit where it lives, so when its tine I take it out, this way it learns to hold it until I take it out for a walk.
lajaynay 15
When my Corgi was a puppy, I'd stay outside with him until he did his business. Walking them rather than just letting them play tends to get it done quicker. After the fourth time though, you deserved it.
feldco1 17
I'm so jealous that you have a corgi! Such stubby legs
YoTengoTomatoes 7
But don't you think it would be a little ridiculous for op to have to walk the dog 4 times in just one day?
thrAsHeRr9081 16
68 - No? I walk my dog 4-5 times a day, depending on my schedule or the weather.
lajaynay 15
I love my Corgi. :3 but no, it's not uncommon to walk your puppy more than 5 times a day. When they're still young, they don't have very good bladder control and they still need to be taught that going in the house is bad. If you leave your puppy in the house for hours at a time, it's YOUR fault if they mess in the house when they don't know better.
manda1511 5
Every time we take my pup out to potty, we walk around the block and then take her for an actual walk. Dogs aren't for lazy people...
MyS3lf 24
I had a puppy that did that too. You just have to stay outside until they go. Eventually they catch on, it just takes a while.
Mearemoi 14
Learn to housebreak a puppy!