Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML
Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML
Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML
Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML
Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML
Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML
Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML
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Top comments
Sammara 0
Why is a FIVE week old puppy sleeping in your bed? They're still really fragile at that age.
wiggs5 0
Aw :) puppies are great!
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Comments (150)
Mauskau 36
hahahahaha
ChantelRenaeee 0
aw the poor puppy!
urdirtyolduncle 15
Better to be pissed off with a puppy than with a duck.
staceysgenesis16 0
hah !! wow thats groosssss ewwwwuhhh
LOLbomb 1
This is one reason why I never let my dog sleep with me. Another reason is that he probably couldn't fit on the bed...
lv8898 0
that's not true. a puppy can be taken from it's mom at birth if she's unable to feed it or refuses to. It's very common for puppies to be weaned from mom at 5 weeks. The new owner would just have to make sure it gets it's shots.
Ryanfmlfiend 0
u have a puppy op stfu!
Marianette 0
still. I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.
MrFlintstone 5
that dogs thinking **** lady you scared the piss out of me.
dedrater_kool_u 0
82. good night its over with thats all she wrote! (literaly)
toastyjustice 5
96 you do know thats an actual saying right?
Isabel312 0
i thought the rest of the fml was going to go around the lines of "I snezed and the puppy got smashed by my head and died." but it didn't. phew.
Anton317 4
aww cute puppy.. :)
d_balu 0
LOL ;)
wisericky 12
stop being mean to puppies!
BrokenDreamer24 15
How was OP being mean to the puppy? Sure OP coulda moved the puppy, but it's still a baby so OP let it say there. My cat actually did that to me when she was a kitten, only I had coughed.
VinegarStrokes 0
OP welcome to the world of fetishism and puppy pee! 43 you're SUCH an idiot. Wow. I suggest looking up the definition of sarcasm when you get a spare moment.
iZDa 0
its called sarsasm idiot
lickerassholes 0
fail you spell it wrong
wiggs5 0
Aw :) puppies are great!
pimpcakes2 11
It's probably a 5 month old puppy... If it was five weeks OP would probably kill it on accident.
VinegarStrokes 0
5 months is really old in terms of puppies. It probably wouldn't be scared of a sneeze at that age. Pretty sure OP meant 5 weeks... it's not really small enough to kill buddy, it's not a goldfish or somethin...
manbearpig123456 0
You can't take a puppy home until 6 weeks after it gets it's first shots, so OP probably meant months.
ieatcats 0
15 ur dumb puppys can be big at 5 weeks and kill it?? my dog fell off a couch at 2 weeks and is perfectly fine and now weighs 125 lbs
360XBOXFTW 0
im still scared of sneezes...
cheeturtle 0
50 Op could have had a dog and it could have had puppies and maybe she was sleeping with it.
kyndaldawn95 0
It was probably her dogs puppy.
kriztin 0
haha that sucks but really funny
Sammara 0
Why is a FIVE week old puppy sleeping in your bed? They're still really fragile at that age.
insanesna1l 0
that and because he was sleeping above your head he will be starting to get the idea he is pack leader.
PrissyPineapple 0
Someone has been watching the dog whisperer. :D
nerdchic 5
they arent that fragile? my puppy is old 6 weeks old.. and she sleeps with me all the time.. got her when she was 2 weeks old.. and shes the love of my life!
rcloca 10
^^ can I see a pic of ur puppy?
Soleia_Grace 15
#80 when the puppy is 2 weeks old its dangerous to take them from their mother because they still rely on her for food and are still learning how to walk and function as a living thing
Death_From_Above 0
lucky you
HollyoaksFan93 9
Lovely...
lickerassholes 0
piss-head!!
A7X_LoVeee 10
Wow! Good one!
Taytay1123 0
Gotta love 'em :)
Maurop 0
hahaha. Why was your dog sleeping there?