Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML
Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him up 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML
Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
Today, my girlfriend and her best friend came home after a long night. They both hopped into the bed and were very insistent that I join them. I said I felt weird about it and slept on the couch. The next morning, my pissed off girlfriend said that they wanted a threesome but I killed the mood. Fuck, I'm an idiot. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML
Today, a kid walked in on me and my new FWB having sex at her place. I knew she had children, so I asked if it was hers. No, it was her son's. I'm boning a grandma who's not even 50. FML
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Top comments
56578 0
I think she said it to make you uncomfortable... Yeah, she may want to have a threesome, but the purpose of the comment was to tell you to not be so loud.... I must say though, if you were loud enough for her to hear you at night, without her hearing aids, you're either really pleasing your girlfriend or she's faking it in a big way. Hopefully, you're just really good in bed.
cucumberfabulous 7
That's uhhh.......kind of disturbing
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Comments (84)
surger1 0
Tsk tsk open your mind, go for it
KumoFF7 3
YDI for building the Taj Mahal.
allmidnighteyes 11
Agreeing with number one. It's gonna be like that scene in Yes Man. Removable dentures and all.
ALittleBitCrazy 0
YDI for having a neighbour
nihilanth 0
YDI FOR GRANDMILF HUNTING
davidomke 0
really 23? You think everyone can afford to be a mile away from everyone?
arsewipe92 0
Haha as soon as i read this i thought of YES MAN. Maybe she could teach you some things...
lebeek 0
so... if she hadn't resembled your grandma... you would have done it?
Clare420 0
reminds me of yes man LOL
drewcat21 0
You beat me to the Yes Man reference's! You brilliant bastards!
jackalope104 0
Come on, you know you've always wanted a granny threesome
ifmyheartwasahou 2
bet you have too :)
blackdog218 0
That's pretty awesome, I'm not gonna lie.
cucumberfabulous 7
That's uhhh.......kind of disturbing
megamouth2 1
Remember that the older models are a little slow to get going; but they're much more fun to drive!
nwc020 0
that is really creepy
L10N 0
Respect your elders. ;)
metheonlyb 17
Haha!! you win!
56578 0
I think she said it to make you uncomfortable... Yeah, she may want to have a threesome, but the purpose of the comment was to tell you to not be so loud.... I must say though, if you were loud enough for her to hear you at night, without her hearing aids, you're either really pleasing your girlfriend or she's faking it in a big way. Hopefully, you're just really good in bed.
ReportAbuse 0
Uh, what the hell? You should have accepted. You have no idea what kind of kinky stuff they might have been into back in the medieval ages.
CFR 0
Just your basic S&M (chains, gags, whips, wheels, etc) =P
xavierdevoy 0
Go for it dude
OneandOnlyOne 0
Dude, Yuk! I feel bad for ya. Don't be so loud, she might just walk in and join ya.