Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML
Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML
Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML
Today, while I was driving around the neighborhood, I passed my neighbors' house only to see their dog with a full-grown dead cat in its mouth. Only one family owns a cat in our neighborhood. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML
Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML
Today, my dog ran away. Luckily my neighbors caught him before he got too far. Now they won't give him back because they think I did something to him to make him want to run away. FML
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Top comments
robc32ca 4
you sick moron.
Senseless_487 29
Way to take responsibility for your actions. YDI!
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Comments (310)
1fast1 0
When you saw the neighbors watching you, you should have said, "Look at what (other neighbor) did to your cat!" and then just walk off. At least try to sell the job if you're gonna get caught.
Xavi89 0
why was the cat outside the house?
onelove222 0
THANK YOU !!
auto_da_fe 2
A cat will go outside if it wants to whether the owner wants it to or not. My cat goes out all the time. I'd rather people wouldn't let him out since he blends in with the road at night, but he slips out anyway.
sourgirl101 29
Indoor cats need to go out once in a while to eat grass. It helps their stomachs.
rasellersjr 0
That may be true for you and a handful of others, but many people just don't care and let them roam free. Because so many people did it where I used to live, the friggin town was infested with cats. Irresponsible people shouldn't own animals... period! That also goes for you morons that can't keep your dog in a fence, do some googling and find a solution for Christ sakes! OP, you are still a douche for not owning up to you actions, but if the cat owner knew the cat slipped out there, they should have retrieved it.
sourgirl101 29
I agree. My cats are fixed. I let them out(in my back yard) once a week and then I bring them inside. I also hate seeing dogs stuck in a fenced yard with no "going for walks". Why have a pet? and BTW dog owners: pick up after your doggie please!
Chocolate_Chunk 2
You idiots should realize that the quality of a cats life increases tenfold when it can roam free. Even if it doesn't life as long, his life will have been way better. Just make sure you have it castrated/sterilized so that no feral offspring "happens". Also, most cats are intelligent enough to get the **** off the street when there is a car anywhere near. My cat is 17 and still kicking. I've never seen an indoor cat as old personally. All in all, **** you if you imprison your cat.
youwishyouknew80 0
that sounds like something I saw on an episode of family guy...
ALDi 0
that's funny
christian50 0
haha that's your damn fault! you shouldve never ran over the pussy
love_me_electric 20
Am I the only one who thinks the cat's owners are partially to blame? Sure, OP is a dumbass for trying to put the blame on someone else, but it the owners had kept their cat inside/on a harness this never would've happened in the first place.
underyourbreath 8
Not at all, most people let their cats outside (while I think that's dumb, it's what happens). Places with degrees of leash laws for dogs only have them because dogs have the capability to maim or kill people (well, maybe not chihuahuas or toy dogs.. but I digress). Besides that, what if it was a child? kids run out from suddenly into the street all the time like animals do. The driver has to be driving slow enough in a residential area so they can be able to watch out for and pets/people who jump out without notice.
stewpididiot 11
yep... you're the ONLY one a harness ? are you stupid or something ?? you musta bumped your head !!!
love_me_electric 20
132: So you're saying if a child runs out into the street and someone hits them then the driver is 100% to blame? It's not the parent's fault at all for letting their kids run around unsupervised and not teaching them to stay out of the streets? And yes, a harness. I don't see why I'm stupid for thinking people should keep their animals in their yards where they're safe instead of letting them run all over the neighborhood.
khung835 6
those who let your cats out, if your cats die then YDI. you're to blame.
lewisp14 0
that's way funny
hifucker 0
your ****** hot!!
Pooper_T_fml 0
Failburger of the day.
lilman02 0
I would have drove back over it again and again. lol no I love animals just don't like cats much:)
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Lazy ass. If you're going to frame someone, do it right. Skin the cat and deflesh the skull, then frame the neighborhood bully kid. Two birds, my man. You have to be strategic.
darkmis1 18
You're sick!
lickmyjock 0
yet I'm slightly turned on...
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Oh, chill your panties, darkmis. It's just a joke, albeit a twisted one. I watch too much Criminal Minds. I can hear Spastastic chuckling in my pocket. 124: :}