Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML
Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML
Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML
Today, while I was driving around the neighborhood, I passed my neighbors' house only to see their dog with a full-grown dead cat in its mouth. Only one family owns a cat in our neighborhood. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML
Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML
Today, my dog ran away. Luckily my neighbors caught him before he got too far. Now they won't give him back because they think I did something to him to make him want to run away. FML
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Top comments
robc32ca 4
you sick moron.
Senseless_487 29
Way to take responsibility for your actions. YDI!
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Comments (310)
twinkybandit 2
dumb! shoulda just manned up to begin with now you look like a complete doosh.
ThePwnapple 0
Doosh?
CloudEnvy 17
Deutsche?
Jimboom 12
Douche
twinkybandit 2
lol I guess its not an English word but means pussy
CitrusGirl 0
no they're commenting on your misspelling of it
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
"Douche" is right, and it doesn't mean "pussy."
RedPillSucks 33
il duce?
WYITO 0
It means 'shower' in French. :D
Chocolate_Chunk 2
deuce
12sp21 0
screw you I love cats
loski87 4
I hate cats
far_east 6
CATS ARE SICKAS LOSKI, they shred u up.
maydayyparade 27
same
sweetdreams20 0
that's sick
unclepester 0
karma. . . . lookout!
iltby 3
You're a horrible person. Were you seriously expecting sympathy?
stingray112 24
No he wasnt
GrEaT_BaMbInO 0
you should always tell the truth. even if you don't get caught karma will always sink it's teeth in your ass.
greatnt249 0
**** this "karma" nonsense; half of you don't even know what the hell karma actually is.
GrEaT_BaMbInO 0
karma is a repercussion that comes back to someone who does something bad. way to try and be cool loser
greatnt249 0
Yeah, it's a repercussion that could theoretically come about 5 reincarnations from the time the offense was committed. My point is that it's annoying when people throw the word around in such a cliche fashion (and most likely aren't even followers of Hinduism to begin with); come up with something original instead of offering up a meaningless, overused phrase as a consolation.
LexSwift 17
Shut up. You understood what she meant, didn't you? Stop bitching. Kthanksbye.
LexSwift 17
Or he. Can't tell by the name or picture.
pingpongpenguin 3
you don't have to follow hinduism to believe in karma. you're the one who doesn't know what you're talking about, and yes karma can still be applied to this fml even if it does take 5 reincarnations.
bointy 0
Would have been funny if only you had used better ninja skills in not getting caught
TASTYMCLOVIN 0
hahaha that sucks ydi
LaPerla 0
What on earth made you do such a disgustins thing?! Ewww! I hope you got sick from touching dead animals!
Pro_Nothing 9
Don't worry OP, I wouldve done the same thing, except I would throw it into the bush so it would look like something killed it
Pro_Nothing 9
or attacked it
to3_tag 0
you're worse than he is
Otonashi_fml 5
You're hilarious ;) Hope you didn't kill the cat on purpose though.