Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML
Proud dad
Today, I learned that when my daughter spent the night at her best friend's house for her 18th birthday, they made her an account on one of those "cam girl" websites, and now every time she goes over there, she masturbates for money in front of strangers. FML
Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML
Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML
Lingo
Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML
Top comments
mejiiaa 0
Lezbehonest you raised her well
alexicanaaa 7
Going down on a girl, I'm assuming.
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Comments (472)
MissKrissy 5
WOW that's kinda young for that...but they are still teens and that's experimentation time these days.
1ManBrigade 1
You'd be surprised about what high-schoolers do these days.
mixit101 3
I don't think you would.
RK626 7
Safer than snorkeling, at least.
xXRazelleLuniiXx 9
I'm sorry for my adolescent inadequant knowledge of certain sexual terms... but what is snorkeling?
xXRazelleLuniiXx 9
I'm really sorry, but I am really curious.
deviable 9
I'm guessing they're referring to the act of using a tube to breath air while using goggles to look underwater allowing you to submerge your face without suffocating. I could be wrong though.
creedaddict 9
You rather her giving BJs?
Wicked361 8
Since it's girl on girl it's more of a VJ... If you know what I mean.
pancake_mixx 9
a vlow job?
1ManBrigade 1
Maybe a ****** job??
bizarre_ftw 22
More like FJ Flick job
LVblondie 3
78 not to be rude..but your picture makes your comment 120% funnier :)
VickyLynn17 5
Be happy she can't get pregnant from that
Calyx_fml 22
Unless her friend had a mouthful of **** at the time.
MineIsBigger 5
...and she spits it into her own vag
Calyx_fml 22
Huh? That doesn't even make sense. The daughter would get pregnant if her friend went down on her with a mouthful of ****.
Inciter 33
Just look on the bright side. She wasn't talking about sleeping with a guy, so you don't have to worry about pregnancy just yet.
chellyX92 8
I think std's are more to worry about pregnancy.
alyspar2 5
You know how to raise kids alrighttt.(:
Oh_Hayy_Its_Lex 10
They grow up so fast..?
Conasaur 8
Indeed ma'am
xxCandyKissxx 1
14 isn't that young guys!! I've somethings just like that (no specifics) it's not that surprising!! Geezus :/
xxCandyKissxx 1
*ive done somethings
marpay 11
Go back to school and save sex for when you are old enough to get a job.
xxCandyKissxx 1
I have a feeling you all did things like that when you were my age too though
StartFromTheDark 6
You're a *****.
hotPinklipstick 24
I'm sorry but 14 is too young, when I was 14 I wasn't trying to get laid. I was playing sports and acting like the child I was. 14 year olds shouldn't be "muff diving" or any of that crap. I didn't have sex for the first time until a few days before my 18th birthday with a guy I had been with for over a year. This sex crazed generation really worries me. Now days it's normal to get pregnant by the age of 16 and on one believes in waiting anymore.
CaptainPickles72 18
I've said it many times before, and I'll say it again. I hate my generation. Show some damn class. If you're already gonna start ******* around, at least not advertise to everyone or you'll be called a ***** like you already have.
DocBastard 40
CandyKiss - you're in the 8th grade for cryin' out loud! Don't assume anyone did anything like you're doing. There are words for girls like you...
xxCandyKissxx 1
Um excuse me docbastard if your saying I'm a ***** you should think twice cuz most of the girls at my schools aren't virgins, I am.
PlaySpades 21
Just because other girls aren't virgins and you are doesn't mean you're not still doing something too soon for your age. ***** might be too strong a word but you really are too young for stuff like this.
marpay 11
Candy kiss. Your feeling on me is wrong. When I was 14 I was to shy to even talk to my crush let alone preform sexual favors for them or anyone else. Stop listening to your hormones and wait, it's not something you should rush into. Ps oral sex is still sex. It doesn't matter if your hymen is intact. You should get off your "virgin" high horse.
silvergaze 1
To each their own. I was 14 when I first had sex. I am still with the guy and I'm 16. Some people it's too young. To others it's right. So you don't know what you're talking about.
aubsx3 0
135- you just said in another comment that you were gay... Where'd the guy come from?
mrssuarez2011 12
14?!?? Oh my god, I was just starting to think of guys as cute. And no I didn't do a damn thing sexual at 14. Please sweetheart refrain from anything sexual until you're old enough and mature enough to handle all aspects of the act not just physically. Show some respect for yourself. Sex wasn't meant for young teens.
Shrike 24
"Sex wasn't meant for young teens." Uhh..... yeah it was, that's what puberty's all about. But if you mean sex for fun rather than sex for breeding then you've got a point.
forestfrost 4
Well 192 I'm sure you don't want to go into it, but you are kind of wrong. There's a thing that people these days don't care to read called the bible. Check into it sometimes and maybe you can better yourself as a person
CaptainPickles72 18
Oh no, someone brought religion into it. All hell is gonna break loose! Stop shoving your beliefs down peoples throat buddy. Though I agree with you about the guy being wrong... just stop.
RadioOctopus 16
206, do you think that you yourself would consider buddhism, satanism, or any other religion or belief while they abide by the technique of "I'm right and your wrong"..? >Logical atheist after 16 years of strict, purposeless, christianity taught to by uneducated idiots who don't know anything other than their own way as if they were children.
chellyX92 8
If you are not old enough to take care of a child or your self you are not old enough to possibly make one. Be classy and don't put your shit on the Internet, it will haunt you.
xxCandyKissxx 1
Geezus! I was just saying...sorry :/
PlaySpades 21
She never mentioned a guy....
MissHayleyJames 7
Candy, I think a few of my brain cells died from reading your comments. Keep your legs closed child. You may think its all fun and games now but you'll regret it later. Trust me. I regret losing my virginity at 15. I wish I'd been smart and waited. Just trust us. Don't have sex, stay in school and learn something, and try to grow up to be a productive member of society.
dumboears 8
I'm 17 and I haven't even had my first kiss, by choice. So no, we are not all ***** when we are teenagers.
BruisedGiraffe 15
307- no one said anything even remotely close to all teenagers being *****
mrssuarez2011 12
Shrike yes of course I meant for breeding, because THATS what this conversation is about.
Shrike 24
Then you're wrong. Puberty usually hits around 13 or 14, it's when sexual desires start and all that stuff. So evolutionarily, as long as puberty's started, there is no "too young". Thumb it down all you like but it's the truth. Good thing we've come a long way as a species, so breeding at that age is unnecessary and discouraged, which you seem to disagree with.
michellenKG 5
14 is a CHILD. keep your legs closed, god damn it.
Battle765 4
This is a horrible day for any father. At least it wasn't a tube steak dinner joke I guess.
maunaimer 6
Well now that you KNOW she's sexually active you should talk to her about it. And make sure she understands the importance of safe sex with women and men alike. Open communication is the number one way to educate on how to prevent STD's and early teen pregnancies
PlaySpades 21
What exactly is safe lesbian sex...?
marpay 11
Dental dams, latex gloves, condoms (for toys). Just basic std awareness and prevention talk. Being a lesbian doesn't mean that you won't ever get a std. You are responsible for keeping std free. Don't depend on partners.
PlaySpades 21
Yeah no one does that. Get real.
ihasbrains 10
^Obviously ignorant.
marpay 11
Actually I've used those exact things when having sex with women. My partners where always happy I was prepared. It's like condoms for straight sex. You don't stop using them till you've both been tested and cleared. Maybe I'm over safe but I would rather not die from aids or get any other std for that matter. Being gay doesn't mean you don't take precautions. It just means useing different ones.
irockfendergirl 0
143- I totally agree. She probably has every STD you can think of.
PlaySpades 21
I'm bisexual and I've never had stds. I guess I just don't have sex with random strangers. But the people I have sex with always get tested before I do anything.
chellyX92 8
178 you can get a std from some one you've known for years. Std's can lie dormant and spring back up when ever they want. It's smart to be safe whether you are strait bi or gay. It's not getting "real" it's being ******* smart and responsible.
PlaySpades 21
Good thing I'm engaged and don't worry about that anymore. We've both been tested and I don't foresee either of us cheating therefore if an std just springs up, then I guess what's his is mine and vice versa. Regardless, when something lies dormant it just doesn't show symptoms. It'll still show up when you test for it.
chellyX92 8
Explain all the false negatives for HIV aids and herpes?
PlaySpades 21
I'm not just going to break up with my fiancé if he has an std. And I'm definitely not going to use condoms for the rest of our lives. And we've both been tested multiple times. And both of us have always used protection with other partners so unless we were born with it which we'd already know, I'm not worried. Other people can be but I don't need to be.
ZorroKid 1
Actually a lot of people do that, because not everyone wants to get pregnant or have an STD that can be potentially dangerous and leave you infertile. Idiot.
ballbearing 10
Because only random people get std's??? My best friend slept with two people. Her boyfriend of 3 years and then her husband. And she now has herpes. Both men claimed to be clean. My point, not only random, dirty or slutty people carry std's. Be glad you have nothing yet...