Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML
Today, I learned that when my daughter spent the night at her best friend's house for her 18th birthday, they made her an account on one of those "cam girl" websites, and now every time she goes over there, she masturbates for money in front of strangers. FML
Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML
Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
mejiiaa 0
Lezbehonest you raised her well
alexicanaaa 7
Going down on a girl, I'm assuming.
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Comments (472)
ihaveatightbutt 0
I only know this word from that 70s show
DocBastard 40
I didn't know they gave out licences for that! Shit, I'm positive mine's expired by now! *runs out to get licence renewed*
yearprincess 0
at least she wont get pregnant.
denise509 0
What do I mean she can't get pregnant?! Shes a woman!
denise509 0
What do I mean she can't get pregnant?! Shes a woman!
lolfood 24
If she's lesbian and is having sex with girls, then no, she won't.
GingerLaxBro 3
At least she cant get pregnant
ImaginaryFoe 1
Having oral sex doesn't mean she "can't" get pregnant. It just means she wasn't impregnated when she earned her licence. She could still have intercourse with a male. One sex act doesn't define her.
Pelreskovich 11
And now you know your daughter is either bi or lesbian, congrats!
DocBastard 40
...or just experimenting like lots of girls do.
xxCandyKissxx 1
Thank you! We aren't all lezbian just cuz we like to have fun xD
DocBastard 40
CandyKiss - I'm not encouraging any 14 year old to engage in any kind of sexual activity. I'm merely saying that having a homosexual experience doesn't define your orientation.
xxCandyKissxx 1
...oh haha but still :)
Schizomaniac 24
Is there something you want to tell us, Doc?
xxCandyKissxx 1
There is nothing he wants to say
mrssuarez2011 12
CandyKiss since you're unable to comprehend what that meant you should probably get off the Internet. If I was the mother of a 14yr old I wouldn't want her on here.
Linkerdoodles 15
From reading her previous comments, does anyone else want to punch this CandyKiss person in the face? No offense, but it's people like you that are ******* up my generation… :l
tifani322 13
Did anyone else think that she and her friend may be kidding? Like honestly. It could be an inside joke.
alaskababy907 11
I would LOVE to punch her if I ever meet Candy Kiss or whatever her name is. Its kids like her ruining our generation's rep that need to learn when to shut up.
xXRazelleLuniiXx 9
I just want to save the name for some teenage girls, that CandyKiss is absolutely demolishing. I am 15 and have never let absolutely retarded, attention craving, and slutty actions take over rational behavior. I have had a boyfriend for over a year, and we have never gone farther than kissing in our sophmore year of highschool. We want to refrain for risky behaviors until we are old enough to drive and get a job. I know this is sort of a pointless comment, but CandyKiss is absolutely infuriating me, and I want to punch her in her obliviousand ignorant face, and disprove her folly actions, in which she is obviously taking place in. Sorry, that is harsh, and I apologize in advance. Some of us want to have a life, and make sure we are safe when involved in such activities, and able to take care of whatever incidents may come, and that we are well aware of the world around us.
xXRazelleLuniiXx 9
Not all of us are intolerant of knowledge, and may even make a great impact on the world that can change lives forever. Sorry, I will stop rambling now, but I just wanted to get my point across.
xXRazelleLuniiXx 9
And Doc, just out of curiosity, what is your profile picture this time?
DocBastard 40
A CT scan of a patient of mine who was shot in the head by her husband.
airforce987 20
*cringe*
Jewlz1162 5
i hope she was out of the closet before this cuz if not then congrats you now no
Coffeebang 17
Time to have a chat with your daughter
perdix 31
Retrieving hand warmers from the bottoms of lakes, ponds and pools can be dangerous. I guess that's why you need a license for it.
muahahahahamoo 5
hahahah.! fyl bro. that sucks! at least now you know!! bad way to find out though...
exleonhart 0
You are, homosexe?